To repair what is broken
by guessmename
Summary: Maybe it's because i'm insane that I think I'm normal. Living in a place that is far beyond any fairy tale. This girl just walks into my life and suddenly my life isn't as straightforward anymore. How is girl making me change my opinion on so many things when nobody could do it before? A Sparia slow-burn story, AU, Trigger warning. (Changed summary)
1. Nothing to see here

Okay so the main reason I have taken down the previous preview that was here is because I felt like I haven't actually gone that way with the story so I would make much sense to have left it here for any longer. Taking down that chapter though caused a major mess up with where the reviews are so I still need something here.

I will put a few things here though:

**Disclaimer: I don't own pretty little liars or its characters.**

**Warning: This whole story is one big trigger warning for nearly everything.**

**Anything that you see in**_italics_**is basically the characters subconscious but it will also act as a flashback when stated on the chapter.**

**There is no -A in this story.**

**In this story I will never ask for a certain amount of reviews for a chapter because that's something I just don't do.**

**Any promises I make at the end of a chapter are not to be trusted.**

**I update when I can even if you need to wait a week or so i'm sorry i am just a fairly busy person.**

Ranting over and you can now just go to the next chapter and actually read the story instead of my ranting.

-guess.


	2. I'm invincible so why is there blood?

**Anything in **_italics _**is a character's subconscious**

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

I walk down the halls of Rosewood high and make my way to my locker, avoiding as many people as I could. Everybody here is the same, they're all critics.

Ever since I came out as gay my life has been a living nightmare. The constant tripping, the writing on my locker that even the cleaners don't bother to clean up that often anymore, the name calling, anything you could think of.

I used to have friends but they all ditched me as soon as they got picked on for "Being the Dyke's friends" as they liked to say. I've lost nearly everything and I don't talk to anyone anymore, I don't smile anymore and I barely get out of bed in the morning.

The school hasn't done a thing about any of this and I don't blame them because you can't punish a whole school, it's nearly impossible.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts with the sudden sense of gravity slowly pulling me towards the floor, face first.

"Watch it, Dyke!" Somebody yells before laughing and high-fiving his friends and walking off.

I sigh and push myself off the floor dusting off my long sleeve shirt and pants as I continue down my path towards the start of another painfully endless day.

I get to my locker after walking for a bit more and I notice the words '_Pathetic', 'dyke' _and '_Homo_' written on the front of my locker in black, what looks like, paint.

I sigh again as I start to open my locker and look at myself in the mirror on the other side of the door in my locker.

My hair looks dead and lifeless, I have bags under my eyes from many sleepless nights that make up won't even help with anymore and the colour in my eyes is dull and lost its spark.

I feel pathetic to be honest and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. All I know is that I'm losing my grip on my sanity and it's not going to be long before I give up and let go of whatever little bit of sanity I have left.

I hear the bell go for class but I have no intention of moving. Some days I show up to school but I never go to class and the other days I just don't go to school to all. I never get into trouble though because the teachers all look at me with pity and say "I can take as long as I want with assignments."

_Idiots._

I just keep staring at the face staring back in the mirror until I can't recognise who it is anymore before getting some things out my bag and slamming my locker door shut knowing that half the silent classrooms around me heard it.

I pick up my pace walking back out of school even though I only just get here and I soon see Hannah Marin, Emily Fields and Alison Dilaurentis walking towards me and I instinctively look for a way to get out to get out of here without them noticing me and to their luck, I don't.

The three girls spot me and I see a sickly evil smirk appear on Alison's face and neutral faces on the other two faces that stay a bit behind the golden blonde, blue eyed woman as they walk towards me.

"Leaving already dyke?" Alison asks, fake pouting at me as I let out a noise that was I mix between a grunt and a sigh. "It's a shame you've lost your will to talk."

Alison laughs and shoves me out the way making me collided with the wall we were near.

I slid down the wall and watch as Alison and her "Possie" walks with her and I swear I caught Emily mouthing "sorry" as she walked away but I think that it's all my imagination from hitting me head too many times.

As soon as they are gone I get up again and continue my way out of the school with no more interruptions this time. I make my way to the parking lot and continue to walk away because it is times like these I leave my car at home knowing I would do something I would most likely regret if I drove like this.

I've succumb to work out that I am a selective mute but as days pass I think that I'm just becoming mute altogether. There's no use in talking as it only gets me deeper in well…shit, to put it in a nice way.

I keep walking and I eventually find myself at Rosewood Park so I sit down on a bench and take out the cigarette box before taking one out and lighting it.

Yes, I smoke because in my mind that will kill everything bad in me magically. It's the same with alcohol but time after time it doesn't work but I keep doing it anyway.

"You know that's bad for you, right?" A voice says and I look up to notice a brunette with dark brown eyes staring down at me with an amused and interested look.

I squint because the sun is in my eyes and it takes a few seconds before what she said registers in my head and I give a nod of my head and stick the cigarette back into my mouth.

"So why are you still doing it?" The woman questions and I give a half grunt and a shrug of my shoulders in response.

I don't know who this is, she looks new and I really don't know why she keeps talking to me. Once she gets to know me she will be just like everybody else and I will be nothing but a worthless piece of dirt to her.

"You don't talk much do you?" She tries again and I shake my head no before I go back to smoking and half glaring at her.

I hear her sigh before she walks away from me back to where ever she came from and I can't say I'm disappointed because I'm not. New people here try and talk to me but once they find out what I am and how your treated if your my friend they choose to join the rest of the crowd. I've learnt to live with that because that's how life works and there's no way around it.

It's on this note that I decide get up from the bench I was sitting on and walk the rest of the way home.

I walk into my house and it's dead silent which means that my dad is asleep. Nobody else lives here beside my dad and I because my mum got a divorce from Bryon and Mike moved with mum while I decided to stay with dad. That was the worst choice of my life.

I look in the lounge room and see him past out with a bottle of beer next to him and the coffee table flipped over in the corner of the room, the picture frame that held a picture of him and Ella is smashed on the ground next to it.

I walk over and fix everything up so it's neat again and stare at the picture longer than needed. I haven't talked to Ella or Mike since she moved out and that was 3 years ago now. Bryon is now complete wreak and has turned to drinking, not that I really blame him because it helps ease the pain, for a little while at least.

I trudge my way up the stairs and grab the full bottle of alcohol that is sitting on my desk and take it over to my bed where I open it and drink it. I slowly move around my room and take of the long sleeve shirt I was wearing to reveal the scars that go all the way up my arm along with the bruises that are multiple colours. I don't exactly know how I get them because it happens when I'm drunk but I think I get into a fight with Bryon every time.

I run my hands over the latest set of cuts on my arm and sigh and I wince at the pain when I touch them. I make my way into my bed still drinking the bottle of alcohol as if it is all I have. I think it really is all I have at the moment and I really don't care because it's the only thing I need to numb the pain.

_{}{SPARIA}{}_

I wake up a few hours later in the same position I was in when I fell asleep, surprisingly not drunk this time. I push myself out of bed and hear the sound of my dad yelling indicating that he is drunk and he is pissed.

I know now that if I want to get out of the house I'm going to get out another way besides the back door and I know just the way. Mike always had this way out the back of one of his windows and it's useful for times like this, I'm just glad Bryon doesn't know about it otherwise he would take it down.

I look down at my phone noting that it is 1 pm and raising the question why I even own a phone, it's not like I use it. I guess it does have a use of playing music, so, that's good enough I guess.

I put my long-sleeved shirt back on and I sneak out the house and just walk around Rosewood again. I have done this enough times to know how to navigate around the city blindfolded.

I make it to the grill before deciding I should get something to eat knowing I wouldn't get another time to eat today. I make my way in and hear the bell go off indicating that somebody has walked in and I look at Zack, the owner, who is behind the counter now and I nod my head to which he sets off getting what I usually have.

I have been in here so many times at around this time that Zack had told whoever is on about me so all I have to do is nod my head and pay. It makes it easier for me and it means less talking.

I pay for my things and collect them when they're ready before going into the back corner of the coffee shop which nobody normally comes to, giving me the privacy I want.

_{}{SPARIA}{}_

"You rather don't like anybody or your just an ass." I am pulled out of my thoughts by the voice of the brunette I met in the park.

_Go with both answers._ I give her a look which makes me looks like I think about it before I give her a shrug of my shoulders.

"You kind of left out of the park fairly fast back there." She states and I give her a look as if to say _'Your joking, right?_' and all she does is chuckle before sitting in the seat opposite next to me.

"You know, I just moved here and you're the first person, which looks around my age, that I've met. Your also the first person who hasn't said a word to me." She keeps talking and I just watch her as she basically makes conversation with herself.

_Good to know and you're the first person to actually come up and try to talk to me twice._ I nod in response and I go back to looking at the table as if it is the most interesting thing in the world.

"You know I would give you my name if you said yours." She breaths and I look up at her with an eyebrow raised out her.

_Aria, Aria Montgomery, nice to me you._ I half snort instead and she playfully rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"Your making this a lot harder than it needs to be you know." She laughs and starts to get up from the table as if leaving.

_Yeah, I know, sorry. _I watch her get up I nod my head to her and all she does is sigh.

"I must get going, sorry, hopefully I'll see you around, your and interesting person to figure out." Is all she says before walking out The Brew and making her way down the street.

Wait, why try and figure me out? What could possibly be interesting about a person that isn't in school and doesn't ta- oh, now I see it.

Great, just what I need somebody trying to dig into my past and to uncover everything about me before revealing them to the whole school, giving people more ammo against me.

I make my way back home, making sure to go through the entrance through the window before walking into my room calmly and grabbing another bottle of beer that is in a box in my room. I walk over to my bed and open the drink before dumping the contents down my throat.

I feel my anger boiling in me with everything that's happening in my life and I turn around and smash my beer bottle into a wall of my room, making little drips of leftover liquid that stayed in the bottle of spray over the room but I don't care.

_I'm a mess._

Everybody knows that.

_I'm pathetic. _

_I'm just a burden._

_I am nothing._

It's with these thoughts that I grip the sharp piece of glass I had picked up from the floor harder feeling red liquid drip down from my hand and onto the floor below me.

It doesn't matter because I can't feel it anyway. The pain has become numb to me so nothing I can do can hurt me for now.

_I'm invincible._

So why I'm a shattering into millions of pieces?

I realises the glass from my shaking grip and turn my hand over to see the cuts that the glass has made on my hand and all I do is look how it bleeds because it's numb.

_I'm invincible._

So why am I bleeding?

* * *

**A/N: **So...am I dark enough for you yet?  
Who needs fluff? If you do then too bad cause that's not until later...alot later.  
Don't get me wrong with this I don't hate Emily or Hannah (I'm not a Alison lover though) so I will be using them later in the story.  
Also before I forget to mention it, if you didn't realise it by now, this is before Emily came out as gay.

**Prettylittletaylorswift:**_A:I love your name for some reason. B: Thanks for the review it does really mean a lot. As for why I'm replying in the chapter instead of PMing you well...I don't know_

-**Guessmename**

(Awkwardly waddles away)


	3. What's wrong with Hello?

**Anything in **_italics_** is basically the character's subconscious.**

* * *

_PREVIOUSLY_

* * *

_I'm invincible._

_So why I'm a shattering into millions of pieces?_

_I release the glass from my shaking palm and turn my hand over to see the cuts that the glass has made on my hand and all I do is look how it bleeds because it's numb._

_I'm invincible._

_So why am I bleeding?_

* * *

**CHAPTER 2**

* * *

People say life gets better but I'm starting to burn that theory into a pit of fire. In no way has my life, once, gotten better. I feel like I used up all my good time when I was growing up and then karma decided to bite me up the ass with an Inland Taipan (world's most venomous snake).

I slowly shift my body weight over and I forget how close I am to the edge of the bed so I fall onto the floor face first grunting as my body comes in contact with the, hard, wooden floor.

I go to push myself up off the ground but I feel pain shoot up my hand when I place it on the floor so I immediately fall down again. I turn my hand over and look at the cuts that run across the inside of the middle of my fingers and across the inside of my palm. From what I can tell it's not infected but I need to make sure of that by cleaning it.

I grab a box from the corner of my room and open it to reveal basic first aid equipment like band aids and disinfectant. I grab the disinfectant and put some on the cuts which cause my hand the wince at the pain. I wrap a bandage around the cuts and I place the box back before getting up and freshening up a bit before walking out the house past my drunk father.

* * *

I decide to walk to school again mainly because trying to grip the steering wheel of a car might prove to be painful. I can feel the headache part of drinking too much start to settle in as I finally walk into school.

I'm still early so there aren't that many people here right now. That makes it easier for me at least.

I make my ways down the hallways and I can hear the faint names being called at me along with the sense of people eyes glaring into the back of my head. I push it into the back of my mind as I finally find myself standing back in front of my, still graphitised, locker.

I open my locker with an exhausted sigh and grab out my books for my first lesson of the day thinking it would be better if I actually went to class today.

"Aria Montgomery, report to Vice principal Tamborelli, thank-you" I hear over the speaker placed in the school and I slam my locker door shut before walking in the direction of the Vice principal Tamborelli's office.

I knock on the office door before hear a half muted "come in" before I open the door and walk inside, sitting in a chair opposite to Tamborelli.

"You're probably wondering why I called you here, yes." He states more then he questions and I just look at him. It becomes apparent after a moment of silence he wants an answer for some reason.

_Don't I have a list of reasons why you could call me here?_ I let out a sigh and nod my head to look eager when, in reality, I didn't want to be in this office.

"Aria, I need you to respond with words because the last time we've heard you talk was over a year ago." He explains trying to get me to crack.

_I'm not that bad I just talk in school._ I look up at him with my head tilted to the side a bit, giving him a look as if to say "you're joking right?"

I hear him sigh longingly and standing up from the chair and facing away from my, gathering something before sitting back down and facing me.

"This" he starts, handing me a slip of paper "Is the name and class schedule of a new student that is coming in tomorrow and I won't you to show them around the school. If you do this and actually talk I'll forget about every day of school you've missed and make sure you don't get held back." He explains and I look up at him with my eyes wide.

Is this something that I actually want? Does it matter to anybody if I make it through school? The answer to the first one is yes but to the second on its no.

I contemplate my options for a while in my head think about whether or not he is telling the truth while Tamborelli sits, looking at me, waiting, patiently, for my response.

"Deal" I mumble, breaking the silence in the room, and he smiles at me for actually saying something.

"Good, learn where what and where he classes are and meet me back here before school starts tomorrow. That is all for now Ms Montgomery, you may leave." He states and I quickly leave, making sure to place the paper in a safe spot for now.

_You know you're going to muck it all up._

Can hear my conscious replay in my head as I walk back to my locker now not in the mood for school anymore.

_Go back and tell him no thanks._

I stop in the hallway near my locker and I consider that though for a while as something I really want to do before shaking it into the back of my mind for focusing on later and go back to walking towards my locker.

_Your loss, idiot._

At least my subconscious is blunt.

The question pops into my head of "why me?" as I open my locker door, nearly throwing the contents of book into it. Why would Tamborelli pick me show somebody around the school? Surely he must know what the other kids will do if she stays around me?

I make my way home and silently go through Mike's old bedroom window again as I could hear my dad yelling angrily when I went to open the front door. I make my way into my room and open the window to let air through as I is smells like booze and cigarettes.

I pull out a drink and _To Kill A Mocking Bird_ to read it for, what could possibly be, the 100th time now. I silently read will sitting on my bed and taking swigs of beer every few pages eventually opening up other bottle and drinking all that.

* * *

Eventually I've had enough to drink and I realise that the words one the page I'm trying to read are forming other words and I watch as the transform the page into a mess.

_Dyke  
Homo  
Pathetic  
Loser  
Asshole  
Weak  
Slut  
Mistake  
Stupid_

I slam the book shut so I couldn't read anymore and put it back on the bed-side table it was resting on before. I wipe away the tears that have formed in my eyes and my nail dig into the side of my wrists, leaving my arms semi-crossed. I fall back, face first into a pillow and scream my lungs out in exhaustion, despair and bitterness.

* * *

When I wake up next it's the next morning and I crawl my way out of bed before feeling of pain shoots up my body and I need to sit down again.

I get up again, this time aware of the pain, and make my way to the bathroom. When I get there I take my top off and sigh at the new bruises and cuts along my upper body and arms. I take a shower before heading back into my room and putting on clothes. I don't bother with makeup even though it makes the black eye I now have present. Nobody cares though so it doesn't matter.

I get to school earlier then he asks and I decide to stand in a corner where nobody can see me before taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

I think I stood in that corner for a good 10 minutes before I disposed of the cigarette and swallowing a few mints before walking inside to the office I was in yesterday.

I knock on the door and walk in even before he says anything this time before sitting down in one of the two seats that face Tamborelli's desk.

"What happened to your eye?" He asks and I give him a helpless shrug to which he shakes, disapprovingly at. "Anyway, the girl should be here any minute."

There is a comfortable silence that comes after that as I get drowned into my thoughts while Tamborelli does some paperwork that looks like it had been there for a couple of days. I saw it yesterday so it might be true.

I look up when I hear the creak of the door handle turning and look as the girl that I saw at the park and at The Brew walks into the room, sitting down in the seat next to me.

"Ah, you're here. Would you two like the introduce yourselves?" Tamborelli asks like we are five year olds.

I make no move to speak first instead I look at the girl up and down taking in what she looks like.

"I'll start then, I'm Spencer, Spencer Hastings." The brunette finally states as she puts her arm out in front of for me to shake.

"Aria, Aria Montgomery." I just about whisper from lack of talking in the past year or 2. You tend to forget how many exactly.

Dark brown eyes meet my lifeless hazel ones and Spencer gives me a half-smile to which I give no reaction to. She then turns her attention back to Tamborelli.

"Well, I'm vice Principle Tamborelli as you must already know." He speaks while sticking his hand out to which Spencer shakes with a smile.

_Can we get on with this? I have a day of suffering to get through._ I blow some hair out of my in annoyance with this whole thing and I wait for those two to finish their introduction.

"Aria here will be showing you to you locker and all of your classes today." Tamborelli finally explained and continued to go on about stuff to do some paperwork for Spencer or her parents.

I don't get what this girl's tactic is she is just going to end up being up like everybody else. It doesn't matter what she says or does they'll all the same in the end. Everybody is just a backstabbing liar and nobody can change the way the world is. Wait until I get out of here and that girl's attitude will change from friendly to hostile in a matter of seconds.

* * *

_FLASHBACK (6 months ago)_

_Tamborelli wants me to show this student around the school because it's their first day. I believe his name is Noel or something I'm not one hundred precent sure I heard it right._

"_Okay you two can go now and I hope you do enjoy it hear at Rosewood High." Tamborelli half-waves us off and as soon as we get out the door Noel huffs and slouches._

_He then proceeds to look down at me and smile before shoving me to the floor and I grunt when I come in contact with it. I had completely forgotten he had heard the harassment about me._

_Noel bends down so he is squatting and still looking down at me._

"_Now, come on Dyke, show me around." He mocked and pulls my up, roughly before laughing and walking away motioning for me to follow him. _

_I stand there and contemplate whether or not to follow him. _

_I make the biggest mistake by following him._

_END FLASHBACK_

* * *

I think Tamborelli found out about that day and is attempting to fix the crack in my heart but I don't think that it will work.

I sigh under my breath and notice that the two other people in the office look like they're finishing up finally so I bring myself back down to Earth and start to pay attention.

"That's all, you two can go now. I hope you enjoy it here at Rosewood High, Spencer." He finishes.

_Nearly the exact same speech every time._ I roll my eyes at him and I can see him send a half-glare my way before going back to smiling at Spencer.

_Asshole._

"Thank-you, I hope I do too." Spencer responds smiling back at him and with that we slowly make our departure from the office.

_How bittersweet._ I shake my head to myself mainly and as soon as the door shuts Spencer sighs and relaxes.

_Wait for it._ Nothing comes though and I look up to see Spencer giving me a questioning look.

"It's nothing, this way." Is the only thing I say before walking away without caring whether or not she is following me.

I hear footsteps shuffle behind me and that gives me the sign that she is following. I look around the silent hallways and see that everybody is in class.

The silence is nice it means no insults and I don't need to keep my defences up to anybody besides this girl that feels like is following me like a lost dog.

"So, you have a voice and a name, interesting." Spencer ponders out loud obviously trying to break the silence that has surrounded us.

_Yes, it's also the only things you need to know about me._ I make a little "mmmhmp" sound indicating that he is correct and that's when we walk past my locker.

"Feel sorry for the person who has that locker." The brunette behind me states as she looks at it a little longer then needed and resist the urge to slap her and say "No you're not!"

_Give it time and you'll soon work out who it belongs to._ I look at my locker noticing that the paint hasn't been removed still so I would need to get on that soon. I give a sigh while shaking my head slightly.

"You really don't like talking do you?" She guessed and I turn my body around to face her and kept walking backwards while throwing my hands up as if to say "You got me there." I turn around as I see her smile and shake her head at my response.

_I'm not trying to be funny._

"I thought you had to talk in order not to fail this year." She continues to argue and that's when I turn around to face her but coming to a complete stop in the process. I notice her stop and smile in victory as I glare at her.

"Technically, I just have to tell you the essentials not give you a whole conversation." I argue back and I see her smile drop and her face warp into a face as if she is thinking of a comeback.

"But look how it easy it is for you to actually talk instead of giving odd facial expressions and hand gestures." She tests me and raises an eyebrow while waiting for a response.

_It's not easier._ I give he a grunt and start to walk towards her locker again.

We finally get to her locker, which I point to the precise one, and she gets to work in opening it.

"I don't really like having whole conversations with myself." I hear her say as she sorts out her books into her locker.

_Why would I talk to you your just waiting for the right moment to pounce? _I shrug my shoulders as soon as she looks at me for a response and I hear her sigh in defeat before closing her locker.

"Where to now?" She questions and I point in the rough direction of where we're going before heading in that direction.

Why is she still trying to be nice to me? Why aren't you calling me names or shoving me to floor yet? What are you waiting for? Just do it and get it over and done with. I've been through this torture before but please just hurry up and do it so I have an excuse to leave.

She doesn't say anymore to me as we make our way towards English and I keep waiting for her to do something the whole time. I'm not going to let this girl bring down all the walls I've spent years putting up around my heart. She won't make me crack. She's just like everybody else in this world and nothing will change.

_You're just trapped in hell with no way out._

I couldn't agree with my subconscious more at the moment as I know it's right. Hell is where I live and it's where I will continue to live. The only question is: How did I earn my spot here?

I just think it is because I lived in heaven for so long they wanted to replace me so they kicked me into hell for where I would spend eternity.

"So, how did you get that black eye because if I would take a guess I would say somebody punched you?" Spencer finally speaks up as we're nearly to class and I sigh.

_Wouldn't you like to know, please just leave me alone? _I shrug at her and I can see the brunette shake her head, obviously not believing me.

"Seriously, you want me to believe that you don't know?" Spencer argues and puts a hand on my shoulder when I stop walking to which I shove off, quickly. I turn around to face her and I look into her eyes to see...concern?

_What's wrong with her?! Doesn't she understand this school?! You don't need her and you never will! She is just like everybody else! She is just going to dig out your secrets and use them all against you._

"It doesn't matter." I half growl at her giving her the warning to stop.

I see her face goes stern as if she won't back down from this. "I'm just trying to be friendly so what's wrong with me wanting to know?!" She practically yells.

"MAYBE I DON'T WANT A FRIEND. EVER THOUGH 'BOUT THAT?" I bark at her with my anger reaching its peak and I cross me arms at her waiting for her to counter me.

"But why is it so bad that you don't want me to know what happened with you eye?!" She spits back at me looking like she is about to storm off.

_This is where she is going to snap at you. She's going to leave you just like everybody else has in your life._

"Because I don't know how I got it!" I half lie fed up with this girl and her wanting to know about my less then amazing life.

"Maybe you are just the dickhead and dag that everybody says you are." She mutters angrily and as soon as she mutters it her eyes go wide in realisation. "I'm so sorr-"

I cut her off "Don't." I say through gritted teeth "I was right in saying you're just like everybody else it was only a matter of time. This is your class and you can tell Tamborelli to fail me because I'm done."

* * *

With that I walk out of school without giving her a chance to say anything else.

I slam the front door of my house shut not caring if my dad hears and make my way upstairs. I slam my door and grab a bottle of beer, downing it quickly before throwing it against a wall, completely shattering it.

"_Your worthless."  
"Your Nothing."  
"Maybe you're just the dickhead and the dag everyone says you are"  
"Dyke!"  
"Pathetic" _

The words that people have said come back to me all at once and I pick up the sharpest piece of glass before in scripting all the words onto my skin watching as the blood pours from my arms and stomach as each one is being done.

I don't care I'm feeling faint.

I don't care I'm in so much pain.

I don't care if I disappear.

I don't care that there's blood being spilt of the floor.

I don't care about who I am anymore.

I don't care what people think anymore.

I don't care what people say anymore.

I don't care about my father anymore.

Because_ I'm invincible._

And that's all I'll ever choose to be.

* * *

**A/N:** You know what sucks? Having to write an authors note twice because your chapter saves oddly and you didn't check. arghhhh.

**xprettylittleloverx: **Thank-you for the review it does mean a lot.  
I sorry but I couldn't resist the option of having Spencer and Aria mess up that meeting. Who's fault is it though? I have no idea..?  
Personally I liked how the other chapter was written more then this one but this one is okay I guess. *shurgs*  
Thanks again. :)

**Rose:** Haha, Thanks for the PM about this i'm glad you do like it. I do try and make you feel.

As always, feel free to drop me a review as I do appreciate them and I love reading them.

-Guessmename  
(waddles away)


	4. Tears in an ally

**Anything in **_italics_**is basically the character's subconscious.**

* * *

_PREVIOUSLY_

* * *

_I don't care I'm feeling faint._

_I don't care I'm in so much pain._

_I don't care if I disappear._

_I don't care that there's blood being spilt of the floor._

_I don't care about who I am anymore._

_I don't care what people think anymore._

_I don't care what people say anymore._

_I don't care about my father anymore._

_Because I'm invincible._

_And that's all I'll ever choose to be._

* * *

**CHAPTER 3**

* * *

She cuts me off "Don't." and starts talking through gritted teeth "I was right in saying you're just like everybody else it was only a matter of time. This is your class and you can tell Tamborelli to fail me because I'm done."

_What, no, come back! I'm sorry! _She walks out without caring to look back at me and I just stand here not able to move anything muscle in my body.

_Tamborelli told you and, one again, you didn't listen_.

My stupid subconscious has even turned against me now. Yay.

Why did I say that? Out of anything I say I say that. Well done Spencer Hastings you're a real genius.

_Years of your parent's lawyer skills and you still let your anger get the better of you. _

I sigh and walk back to my locker, it may be my first day but in no way am I just going to sit through it now. That argument could probably be heard from down the hall. I don't need to walk into a classroom and instantly be started at. Not now. I just need a while to myself and I'll make something up tomorrow.

Now Aria won't ever want anything to do with me, wonderful. I better go and find her though just in case I guess.

_She is probably walking around Rosewood looking for something._

I shut my locker door and go outside grabbing my car and driving around Rosewood for a while looking for her. I think I have spent a good hour looking for her so she must of gone home.

_Too bad you don't know where she lives. Who knows what she is doing._

I decide to ignore my inner worries and drive home hoping that Aria would be there tomorrow.

_"__You can tell Tamborelli to fail me because I'm done"_

That one line staying on repeat in my head as I drive home and walk up to my room. It really wasn't dispelling my worries so instead of trying to cloud my mind with work I have to do I get changed into other clothes and go for a jog. I put my music up louder then I probably should but I don't care I just need to get that one line out of my head.

I not sure how long I was exactly running for but I think I just about have that thought out of my head and replaced with, now really annoying, song lyrics. I turn a corner and I see Aria walking down the street with her head down and hands in the pocket of the hoodie she is wearing. I make a small turn around and hide to make sure she doesn't spot me watching her.

I watch her as these two kids come out of the shop and Aria gives a small smile at them and they look like they're looking at her in fear and disgust.

"You have the dad that sleeps with his students, don't you?" One of them ask and their mother comes walking out of the shop before looking at Aria and telling her kids to "Move out the way of the creepy looking stranger."

I slightly cringe at how disrespectful some people are around here. I keep watching Aria as she walks down the street a bit more and walks into an alleyway and stands next to a dumpster to hide her body from anybody looking directly in the ally.

I move a bit to watch as she slides down against the wall so she now is sitting, hugging herself and her back leaning of the wall. Her knees are pulled up near her chest and I watch as she silently cries. The tears roll down her face one at a time before she buries her head in her hands and she silently lets more come out.

_Don't just stand here. HELP HER._

I just look at her from my hiding spot as she cries and I don't move. I can't do anything. I want to do something but my body wants to run away and pretend I didn't see that, pretend I'm not stalking her and try and talk to her tomorrow at school.

_If she comes._

I fight with myself for a few more moments before making myself move towards to alleyway and standing at the entrance a little longer then I should have needed to. I walk myself over, next to her, and watch as she doesn't notice me. I let my body collapse next to her and she looks up at me before rushing to wipe the tears.

"You don't need to do that I saw the whole thing." Is the only thing I'm able to whisper to her before she breaks down again.

I wrap an arm around her and I feel her stiffen at the contact. She doesn't make any move to relax and I'm not sure why. I keep my arm around still in hopes that she will relax soon enough.

"W-w-why a-are you h-here?" she stammers out, the scent of booze and cigarettes thick in the air.

I find myself pondering that question for a few moments and pull my arm away, crossing my legs and interlacing the fingers in each of my hand together before putting them in my lap. I just sit there and don't answer her because I'm not 100% sure why. I'm not sure how to answer that question exactly either.

"I….I guess…..I guess I just want to say sorry, for today." I finally reply and notice that Aria has now wiped away her tears and gone back to hugging herself while looking at the sky.

I look up at the sky to and notice just how clear the sky is today. It looks peaceful up there. It looks like if you went up on the roof all your worries would just disappear in a flash.

"It's amazing isn't it?" She says still looking up at the sky and I just look at her confused and notice the she can see me out the corner of her eye. "No matter what the sky is peaceful. It could be like this or full of clouds and stormy but it always looks peaceful. You can look at it and no matter what mood you're in it's relaxing because up there, there isn't anybody there pointing at you and laughing. Up there nobody can notice you. Up there, there aren't any cars or machines or yelling or any loud noises. Up there the only thing up there is the planes, birds and bugs. Even they're more peaceful then anything down here."

I just look at her in shock at what she told me she looks at me and laughs quietly at me for my reaction, probably. I hear her sigh and slowly move her arms and legs, pushing herself up from the ground.

She puts an arm down for me to take to help me up "It's fine, honestly, I don't really care as much as I should anymore." She says as she is pulling me up.

"Maybe you should start then." I suggest as she starts walking away from me and she suddenly turns her head back to me.

"It's too late for that." Is the only thing she explains with a defeated look before walking out the ally without another word.

I quickly walk out of the ally and watch as Aria makes her way down the direction she came from and I quickly make the choice that it would be better off not following her and getting her mad again. It's easier to work with what I have now then risking mucking it all up in the matter of a minute.

_You're going to muck it up anyway._

There's my subconscious. Just when you think that your safe from it, it will always find a way back to you.

I make my way back home but I stop at the school first with a few things and got to doing what I knew she would appreciate before finally heading home and collapsing into bed with my thoughts slowly consuming my mind taking me off into a restless sleep for the rest of the day and night.

* * *

**A/N: **So, a POV swap for this one and I know it's alot shorter then my other chapters but I didn't want this to exactly drag on Spencer's Pov.

Also, Thanks to ZombiepiEs For the chapter idea and if anybody has any feel free to PM me or leave it in a review and I will more then likely put it in somewhere. (This chapter is based off pll 1x13 where Spencer sees Toby crying in the ally) I just wanted to have them interact a bit and to really show you just how flat and lifeless Aria kind of sounds.

* * *

xprettylittleloverx: I thank-you for your review and I'm really glad that you love this story I do plan on getting it finished no matter what so don't fret. I get all OCD on my stories when I leave them incomplete, so that's probably a good thing if you like my writing.

merel1998: I think in a few chapter or so will have Aria open up a bit more so don't worry if this isn't what you wanted it will be happening soon. Maybe she won't open up all the way but Spencer will know more. Thanks for letting me know you love the story.

XPrettyLittleWriterX: I'm glad to know that you think this is a good story. It fills me with hope. How it's written is something I have just done all my life I didn't think it is good in any way but it's good to know that you think it's well written. Thank-you for your support in the story.

ZombiepiEs: Fret no longer the chapter has come. I now just need to get started on the next chapter and we will be getting somewhere soon. I appreciate the review and hope you enjoyed to chapter.

* * *

Little note, you don't need to exactly read this but, meh, I will be updating this story probably once per day or two until Thursday or Friday because I have no internet and I'm using my phone internet to upload this (Only 500MB of data arghhhh) so I having nothing much else to do besides write (glad I enjoy it at least.)

I am also working on an Emaria story because I can and it will probably be uploaded when I have a good chunk of it done. I also wont be uploading it now because I want to make sure I can handle the 2 stories fine before having to juggle 3. Rather that or until one of my two multi-chapter stories are done. So, if your interested keep your eye out for it.

As always, feel free to leave me a review and I always appreciate them and love reading them.  
That Authors note took alot longer to write then I had hoped.

Until next time.  
-guess  
(waddles away)


	5. Injuries suck

**Anything in **_italics_**is basically the character's subconscious.**

* * *

_PREVIOUSLY_

* * *

_You're going to muck it up anyway._

_There's my subconscious. Just when you think that your safe from it, it will always find a way back to you. _

_I make my way back home but I stop at the school first with a few things and got to doing what I knew she would appreciate before finally heading home and collapsing into bed with my thoughts slowly consuming my mind taking me off into a restless sleep for the rest of the day and night._

* * *

**CHAPTER 4**

* * *

"Maybe you should start then." She suggests as I start walking away from her and I suddenly turns my head back to face her.

"It's too late for that." Is the only thing I explain with a defeated look before walking out the ally without another word.

She doesn't get just how hard that is for me. I can just start caring again, it's too hard. I lost the option to care about other's people's thoughts a while ago. I just didn't realise it until now.

_She doesn't care. She just wants in to your thoughts._

She doesn't really care about me. She just thought I saw her so she made a whole attempt to make me trust her again. She isn't very smart if she thinks that's going to work.

I don't get why I just sat there and talked to her though. Why didn't I get up and move away when she sat down? Why did I start crying again when she said she say what happened? Why? Why?! WHY?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HER.

I don't get what she wants. I don't get why she keeps trying to talk to me. I don't get why she even pretended to care. I don't get why she tried to cheer me up. I don't get why she isn't shoving me to the ground and calling me names. I don't get why she insists on being near me when I can't even stand being near myself.

I sigh as I approach a hill that I have been going to for some time in my life when I don't understand anything. The hill itself is quite large and a bit away from Rosewood and noise. That's what I like the most about it.

The hill lets me be near the sky. It lets me breath again. It just lets me scream my lungs out and makes sure nobody can hear. If the hill were to be human then they would be the only person I'd care about. (Yes, there is now a hill near Rosewood)

I find myself at the top of the hill when I bring myself back down to earth and not letting them wonder with painful memories full of regret.

_Because you will be able to forget them._

Sarcasm. I hate it.

It's a means of no purpose. Why have sarcasm? It's just there. It doesn't add any context of writing to a story, (I just realised what I wrote…dam) I doesn't serve and purpose when talking besides to joke to a person. If there weren't such a thing as a joke it would really exist in a good way and we would see sarcasm as a means of hate and harassment.

The world is mixed up and fell apart a long time ago yet here we are trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered dream and all we're doing is gluing the pieces of the puzzle together wrong. We're not going to get anywhere unless there is a mutual understanding between people.

_This isn't about the world though, it's about __**your**__ life. It's about __**your**__ mistakes._

The mistakes which I can only regret and try to move on from. I know that will never happen though so dreaming about how the whole world fell apart is my only way to keep my mistakes in proportion.

I slump down leaning my back against the smooth bark of the tree that sits here. I pull out cigarette and light it hoping that this time it will do a better job of burning a hole in the unwanted parts of my heart.

I watch as the smoke a breath out disappears into the atmosphere of the Earth and I sigh wondering how much better my life would be if I could do that.

I would mean that I could just disappear and let the wind decide my next destination. I wouldn't need to worry about being in the same place for too long either.

I watch the sun set in the distance and the stars take over where the sun once was before I finally decide to go home and get ready for tomorrow.

The walk home was nice and silent as with the occasional car going passed and the one or two people that walk by. It is nice to finally have a night where I'm not getting yelled at or being intoxicated with booze and cigarettes while my mind makes me go through torture at the words that people have inscribed into my head.

_You know they're true, though._

I grit my teeth and try and contain myself at that statement to myself while I quicken my pace home.

It's dark.

The whole house is dark and I have no idea why. There is normally a light on when I get home.

_Must mean Bryon's asleep_

I open the front door and my heart instantly stops.

"About dam time you came home." Bryon snarls as soon as look him straight in the eye.

He is sitting on one of the couches with a bottle of whiskey in one hand while there are at least 4 empty ones scattered by his feet. What is left of his hair is dishevelled and the room is completely flipped around and things are scattered and the floor and smashed. Even the T.V had a massive hole in it like Bryon hit it with a baseball bat.

I know this is going to be bad.

_Run, Run!, RUN. Get out of there now._

My peaceful state of mind is completely gone and now I'm in one of pure terror. I know what he is capable of is my drunken memory is right and I don't want to be here if it is. The one thing I can pick up is the fact that his moves are slurred and slow. I might actually be able to run. I just got to play my cards right and I'll be fine.

"I wouldn't recommend running. I'll just be here, waiting for you when you get back." Bryon declares and I know now that I'm in a bad situation.

"Would you mind telling me where you've been?" He demands and my body instantly freezes up. I can't talk and I don't want to talk.

Bryon rises off the couch and comes towards me. With every step that he takes forward I instantly take one back not wanting him to get any closer.

"You're not going to make this easy are you? You pathetic piece of trash!" He roars turning smashing the whiskey bottle, contents going everywhere.

I can feel some of it spill on my and I feel my back leaning against a wall. This couldn't be a good sign. I can see Bryon smile and come towards me knowing that I'm stuck. Before I know it his face is just inches from mine and I can clearly breath the different types of alcohol he has drank.

"Now, are you going to tell me where you were?" He whispers into my ears, sending shivers down my spine.

_The Hill. THE HILL._ I open my mouth to respond and nothing comes out but the blood that is now in there and the feeling of a cold floor underneath the side of my head all of a sudden. That's when everything comes together and I realise that had punched me and I had fallen to the floor.

"Too slow." He laughs and picks me up and pins me against the wall by my arms. "Now, are you going to be a good girl?"

I nod my head yes but he doesn't seem satisfied without me talking.

My body gets realised only to have something sharp dig into my arm and I gasp, trying to contain a scream. I look down and notice shards of glass from the broken whiskey bottle sticking out of my arm, the blood running down to my hand.

I look up at Bryon and notice the satisfied smirk on his face. He looks down at me one more time before pointing to the door and I just look at it, unsure how to respond.

"Get out, I don't want to see you the rest of the night." Bryon snaps and I quickly get up off the floor, ignoring to pain shooting through my body, and sprint out the door.

I walk around to the side of the house and look at the climb in I want to get in through Mike's window. I could do it the only problem is if I try I may make my arm worse with all the shards in it.

_You've really got nothing to lose._

I look up at it one more time, wipe away the blood around my mouth and nose and make my way up, biting back a scream the whole time.

I silently move into my room and fill my bag up with a few things for the rest of the night and continue to make my way out of the house via Mike's window.

Walking on the streets now has gotten colder and I can still feel the shards of glass dig every so often, which doesn't help anything. The blood in and, now, around my mouth is now dried. I can't tell if anything is broken under the light of the moon and the few streetlights I walk under but I know that I will be in pain for the next few days.

Standing in front of the locked school makes it looks like it is impossible to get inside but it's not, all you need is a simple trick and to be able to scale a wall.

I make my way around the side of the school, making sure nobody can see me and push myself up to the second story window. It takes me a couple of attempts and me falling flat on my ass but in the end I get myself into a position to which I'm able to reach the bottom of it and not fall off.

I grab the ledge of the lock and give it a good pull, it comes unlocked and I put the lock into my bag before opening up the window and half crawling inside.

That window is always locked because some idiot put the dingy lock on from the outside making it impossible to open until somebody took the time to cut it and take it down. They school is too lazy to do that so they keep that window locked, much to my pleasure. (If you're not getting it by now ARIA PUT THE LOCK ON THE WINDOW. I'll stop interrupting now, sorry)

I work my way to the closest bathroom and make sure that nobody has been following me for some reason before turning on the light and letting the door close behind me.

I let my bag fall to the floor behind me and I take out a pair of scissors, cutting the sleeve of my hoodie and shirt that I'm wearing, I carefully pull the sleeves of my tops off and I look at the shards of glass in my arm.

I get a pair of tweezers out of my bag next after putting the scissors on the sink, near the fabric coated in blood. I spend the next while with my arm bent and leaning on the sink while I pulled out every shard of glass I could find, holding back a scream with each shard.

As soon as I'm done with that I get a bandage out and wrap that around my forearm as the wounds stopped bleeding, for now. I shed off the rest of the tops I am wearing and replace them with a clean change of clothes before doing the same thing with my pants.

I dump the shards of glass into my bloodied top and wrap them up before stuffing everything in my bag and closing it. I lean back up and clean my face of the dried blood that still lurked on there and took out a few mints before putting them in my mouths to mask the stench of blood, cigarettes and booze. I also apply some makeup to cover the new bruise that is forming on the corner of my mouth and nose.

I walk out of the bathroom, grabbing my bag, turning the light off, and then making my way down to my locker, which is surprisingly clean off writing. I slowly open it and a note tumbles out of it.

I pick it up off the floor and place my bag in my locker before opening the folded piece of paper and looking at what's written inside.

_I cleaned your locker._

_Pain in the ass, might I add._

_Can we please talk?_

_Today? After school? The park?_

_I'll be there even if you don't show._

_-Spencer _

I sigh before crumbling the note and slamming my locker door shut, not caring about being silent anymore.

THIS GIRL STILL MAKES NO SENSE.

What could she possibly want to talk about? What's with her wanting to talk to me? Why can't she just see that it's better to stay out of my life? What's wrong with her?

This girl confuses me more then she knows and I can't stand it! Everything in my life is bad but at least it's straight forward and now Spencer comes along and I don't understand anything anymore.

I re-open the note from its ball form and rip it up before putting in the bin a few steps away. I make my way back into the bathroom and open one of the stalls, walk in and close it. It might not be luxury but it is better than nothing. I let myself slide down the door and I fall onto the floor from the small gap between the floor and bottom of the door. I don't really do anything but sit there and let my thoughts consume me for a couple of hours as I knew I wasn't going to be getting any sleep.

* * *

The next time I come to pay attention is the banging of a locker door shutting and I look at the time to realise it's nearly time for school.

I slowly push myself up from the floor, paying attention to the, now throbbing, wounds on my arm. I make my way out of the stall and look at myself. Nothing is visible on my face last night and I sigh in relief before walking out of the bathroom with my head down and going towards my locker, for the second time already today.

I get there and it's only now that the realisation of yesterday hits me and I remember that I'm going to fail this year because of me walking out on Spencer.

_Well, maybe if you weren't such an idiot you would do better._

I grab my books for my first class and shut my locker, almost jumping out my skin as I see Spencer standing right there.

"You know, I didn't tell Tamborelli about what happened yesterday because I may have walked out after you left. I'll make up something and I won't ask questions if you do what you were meant to do yesterday, deal?" Spencer asks and looks at me for a physical response rather than a verbal.

_Yes, I'd love to, thank-you._ I nod my head at her and motion for her to follow before walking to where her first class it.

The walk to her class is silent and that's exactly how I wanted it. I already have a massive headache and I'm really just not in the mood to talk. It works out perfectly for me. I can keep looking back at Spencer and every time she will have this look on her face as if she wants to say or ask something but doesn't.

I get confused as to why until I'm being shoved against a locker, my books being dropped and I look up to see somebody laughing. He looks at me and bends down so he is crouching.

Spencer has just been paying to the insults directed at me that I tend to ignore now.

"Pathetic dag." He mutters so only I can hear before getting up and walking away, laughing with his friends.

As soon as he is gone I notice a hand being held out to me belonging to a brunette and I'm hesitant to take it at first but, after a moment, I do.

"Sorry." She sighs and I just look at her in shock.

I just shake my head at her and she passes my books to me, giving me a slight smile before walking off.

"Who was that?" Spencer asks, curious and I look at her just remembering that she is still here.

"Which one the guy or girl?" I mutter while stretching my back a bit, popping it and going to back to walking.

"Preferably both." She answers walking next to me instead of behind now.

I think back to it and I wonder why she helped me up, her of all people.

WHY ARE PEOPLE MAKING MY LIFE HARDER?

"The guy was Noel Kahn, one of the biggest asses you will meet, besides his brother that is. The girl though: that was Emily Fields. I'm not entirely sure why she helped me, she normally belongs alongside Alison and Hannah." I finally explain and she just nods her head.

_Oh, look, you're talking to her again._

Why am I still talking? I don't talk to anyone else. Why do I have a casual conversation with her but not anybody else. I don't even talk to my father.

I shake my head a little at myself before growling under my breath, being confused and irritated by all this.

"And Hannah and Alison are…." Spencer starts waiting for me the finish her unfinished sentence.

I sigh at her. "The "It girls" and people I would rather avoid." I summarise and stop walking "These are, surprisingly, the spots where you have your classes until lunch. This one being your first one."

"I hoping you're going to find me after lunch and direct me where to go." She jokes and I just nod my head at her, heading in the direction of my class.

The day just seemed to drag on and on with a few more shoves, spit balls, locker being vandalised and the name calling. I just wanted to go home by lunch but I also know I couldn't deal with facing doing this year again.

* * *

Lunch finally did role around and I found myself just walking around the school, avoiding the cafeteria. I know that's the place I need to go. I made the mistake of walking in there once and I ended up with food and drinks covering me from head to toe. Not really something I want to live down again.

I'm walking around school and I round a corner to see Spencer talking to Alison, Hannah and Emily. They look like they're having a casual chat so I back away and around a corner so they don't see me but I can keep my eye on them. Alison and Hannah are both laughing about something, most likely me but Emily and Spencer….They just look bored and disgusted.

While Alison and Hannah walk away after a moment Spencer hands Emily a piece of paper and nods at her before walking off in the direction she is facing.

_She sold you out._

She probably gave Emily something about me and she is just trying to get more out of me. She is just going to want to talk to me after lunch to try and get more out of me.

They're all just assholes.

After lunch comes around and I'm not as surprised to see Spencer standing next to my locker, facing me, after lunch when I close it.

"You do realise you could stand on the other side of me, right?" I ask raising an eyebrow and her and she just smirks.

"But that would be the nice thing to do. You face earlier was an example of why I do it this way." She replies calm but also in a challenging tone.

_So you're not a nice person then?_ I let out a small combination of a grunt and growl and she laughs at me before we walk off to class.

We're about half-way to class when I make the mistake of stretching my bandaged arm, probably opening up some of the cuts again.

_Well done, dag._

I slightly quicken my pace to get Spencer to class before walking out and going to the bathroom. I could feel some of the blood start to move down my arm and I know it's only a matter of time before it's noticeable. That could create more problems than needed.

We get to the classroom and I open the door letting Spencer in and notice the teacher look up at us, shocked. Probably at the fact a new student just walked in with the student that barely ever comes to class. I notice him calm back down from his shock and Spencer hands him the piece of paper that she needs to give to all her teachers to sign. Mr Fitz looks back at me and I nod my head before putting up five fingers up and walking away from the classroom.

I practically run to the bathroom when I'm out of sight and I open the door quickly before going into one of the stalls, making sure to lock it and taking off my shirt.

I look at the bandage and notice that it is covered in blood so it won't be of any real use anymore. I grab a bunch of toilet paper before placing in onto the open wounds and putting pressure on them, making sure to muffle any sound that threaten to come out of my mouth from pain.

After a few minutes the bleeding stops and I put the used toilet paper in the toilet before getting some more and using that as a makeshift bandage to cover my upper arm. I continue to put my shirt back on and flush the toilet, walking out with the used bandage and placing it in the bin on the way to class.

Spencer still wants me to see her after school. What am I going to do about that? Why am I even talking to her like it's easy? What is it about her that makes me talk to her? Why does she have to make my life so complicated? Why was she talking to Emily?

Why did Emily help me today? What could she possibly get out of any of this?

Why?, Why!?, WHY?!

WHY CAN'T I JUST GET ANSWERS.

Answers became a thing that is too hard to get now and I have dealt with that fact a while ago but this is different. This is something that is like staring in front of a wall, near the back of an ally with no way around or over it. You're just trapped.

Walking into the classroom I notice everybody look at me when walking to my seat. I can feel people staring at the back of my head and I realise now just how badly I don't want to be here. Too late now though. I can't ignore them either as the pain in my arm brings me back to reality every time I try.

I think I'm going to need something to knock down that wall and I think I need it now.

* * *

The final bell of the day rolls around and I quickly make my way out of the classroom before anybody has a chance to do something to me. The last thing I need today is being tripped and landing of my arm. I don't want to have to deal with that again.

_"__Maybe you should start then."_

That line plays in my head as I open my locker and grab the bag a brought to school, no point in keeping shattered glass and bloodied clothes at school. Why should I start caring what people thought? Why should I care or not if she apologises to me? I can't just start something I never did.

I shut my locker door and walk out the school. I don't even know when the last time I used a car was. I am walking out of school when I see Spencer and Emily talking again and I just look at them for a moment before sighing and continuing to walk home.

I walk in using the front door and I'm lucky that Bryon is asleep on the couch again. I walk up to my room place the bag away and grab a bottle of beer before walking out of the house again, not wanting to be her very long.

* * *

After walking for a while I realise that I have somehow walked myself to the park and I can see Spencer waiting on a seat for me. I walk a little closer to her and I'm still unsure if I really want to be here. This could all just be a big trick for me and then she can mock me for making me half-trust her.

I eventually make a grunting sound and walk over to the park bench she is sitting on. I slump down next to her and she looks up at me, eventually straightening up so she isn't hunched over.

"I didn't actually think you would show up." Spencer states and I look at her and shrug before taking another sip of beer. "Would help things if you weren't drunk all the time."

Would I though? I wouldn't be able to feel numb then, I wouldn't be able to let the drinks take my away somewhere to which I don't have to think about what I'm doing. I wouldn't be able to not have a worry in the world for a while.

"I like to think of it as being sober 24/7." I eventually reply before she just gives me an 'your joking right?" look at me. "Let me ask you this. Why were you talking to Emily?"

I continue to look straight ahead but I hear Spencer sigh next to me before I notice her looking up at the sky, as if she is thinking how to answer the question.

"Well let's put it this way; she is here right now but went to get a drink."

I just look at her wide eyed and I suddenly lose my ability to talk again. I suddenly stand up from the bench and go to walk away but I feel somebody grab my wrist from behind, to which I try not to wince on contact.

I feel my body stiffen up and I look back to notice it was Spencer that grabbed it.

"Just…stay, will you." She nearly begs and I notice that she isn't going to let go of my wrist.

_I suppose. If you don't try and kill/humiliate me. _I give her a nod when she looks at me and I turn around to face her. I don't bother sitting down again though as I just want to be out of here.

We both stay there in silence and I keep looking down in hopes that Spencer would release me of her grip but, to my dismay, she doesn't. I think she is scared that I'll just run off if she lets go. I also think that I would do that to.

I hear footsteps behind us and I look to see Emily approaching and holding out her hand, giving Spencer a drink. Emily then proceeds to sit down of the bench, next to Spencer and gives me a small smile.

"She is here because we used to be friends once and I know you can trust her." Spencer explains and I just look at her like she is insane. "You really got to start talking here and not be so tense all the time."

"Why do you want me to trust her exactly?" I ask now curious at this "The last time I was relaxed was long ago so, no, I'm not going to stop being tense."

I look at both of them and none of them go to answer my question anytime soon. I pull my arm out of Spencer's grip and fold my arms over my chest, still holding the now empty beer bottle.

* * *

**A/N:** Enjoy the chapter? Yes I'm making injuries come back and have repercussions because they would in real life.  
Yes Aria still has toilet paper as a bandage at the moment and I will be addressing that late on.  
I have no idea why I uploaded again today but I did and this chapter took about 3 hours...wow that makes me sound sad.

Thankyou to xprettylittleloverx and ZombiepiEs for already reading the other chapter and reviewing. (I will mention you independently next chapter but I'm running out of time and I just need to write the A/N.)

Next chapter will continue from here, don't fret. You just may have to wait a day..or two *cough cough*

Until next time.  
-Guess  
(waddles away)


	6. Beer bottle smashing

**I never meant for things to go this far  
It's ripping me at the seams  
It's crawling right under my skin  
I can't go on  
When did I fall** **apart?**  
_The animal in me - I created a monster_

* * *

_PREVIOUSLY_

* * *

_I hear footsteps behind us and I look to see Emily approaching and holding out her hand, giving Spencer a drink. Emily then proceeds to sit down of the bench, next to Spencer and gives me a small smile._

_"__She is here because we used to be friends once and I know you can trust her." Spencer explains and I just look at her like she is insane. "You really got to start talking here and not be so tense all the time."_

_"__Why do you want me to trust her exactly?" I ask now curious at this "The last time I was relaxed was long ago so, no, I'm not going to stop being tense."_

_I look at both of them and none of them go to answer my question anytime soon. I pull my arm out of Spencer's grip and fold my arms over my chest, still holding the now empty beer bottle._

* * *

She looks at both of us and neither of us goes to answer her question anytime soon. She pulls her arm out of my grip and folds both her arms over her chest, still holding the now empty beer bottle.

Emily and I look at each other before looking at Aria in the eye and we both know that this whole conversation can go two ways, the: she listens to everything we have to say and understands us before agreeing to let us help her or, the likely going to happen option: she is going to lose her temper and storm away at this whole thing never wanting to speak to Em or I again.

"Because we want to help you." Emily says while looking down in shame and I can hear Aria scoff and dryly laugh.

I close my eyes and wince slightly knowing that this was going to happen and I know that we have already lost all hope of helping her at this stage.

"What makes you think I need help?" she asks and Em and I both look up at her, a shocked expression on both out faces as that's all she asks.

To be honest we had been planning out this talk with every possible question answer but this one. This one question is one we didn't see coming because how could she not notice that she needs help. I saw her in the alleyway, breaking down, not even last week and she just admitted to being sober most of the time.

"You seriously just asked that?" I challenge and Aria nods her head "I saw you in the ally last week, in tears, not even last week and now you just admitted to being sober all the time. There could even be more going on that I don't know about because how do you explain the black eye? How do you think that any of this is normal?"

I look at her in the eye, now standing up, and I notice the angry look in her eye as well as a disappointed one. I keep looking into her eyes and notice fear if I look deep enough. _Great_, now she is scarred of me and that's just what we need.

"You want to know how I think any of this is normal Spencer?" She spits at me and I just give a look to say "continue" to which she shakes her head at "Because that's how I grew up Spencer. That's how I've always lived my life and maybe you don't see it because your life is amazing but I haven't once had anyone in my life that has cared for me and stayed. Everybody in my life has left me for something or somebody else and I'm left her to deal with the leftover pile of shit they left me. I'm stuck to pick up the pieces of shattered glass they left behind and I keep cutting myself on every one of those pieces. So _that's_ how I think my life is normal. Any other questions?"

Em and I just look at Aria shell shocked about how much she just said. Aria now has tears threatening to fall along with visibly shaking with anger and neither Em or I are able to move. We are just rooted to our spots and I see Aria shake her head after what feels like forever.

"Just what I though." I hear Aria mumble and I see her finally uncrossing her arms, going to walk away.

"Wait." I finally say, regaining my senses.

I see Aria look at me, giving me a "what" look and I know that she isn't going to speak again unless angry or forced to so I sigh, mostly to myself. I see Emily, out the corner of my eye, shaking her head out of the daze and coming back to the conversation we are currently having.

"That's why you need us to help you. We can help you and show you people that won't walk away. We can help you clean up the mess. Just, please, let us help you. Let us in." Emily pitches in calmly.

I do applaud Emily at how she is handling this at the moment but I feel like as soon as Aria leaves out sight she is going to break down a little mentally and physically. I can see her bouncing her foot, fighting the emotions she is feeling to handle the situation at hand. To make sure she stays here and lets us in.

"You know what's funny?" Aria starts and I know Em and I are in trouble now "I had somebody that said that to me a while ago and I did the stupid thing of actually believing them. I let them into my life, heck, I even would of trusted my life in their hands! I'm lucky I never had to do that though because they left me on the side of the street for days on end. I'm speaking literally, they once kicked me out of their car and it took me 3 days, 3 fucking days, full of walking to get back. I think I'm good without trusting people for now. So, please, do me a favour and just stay out of my life!"

She just looks at us for a moment longer before walking away from us and after about 5 minutes we could hear the echo of a frustrated scream and the smashing of a glass bottle. Em and I both look at for a moment before sighing and I slump back down into the park bench.

"What are we meant to do now?" Emily asks, exhausted and I just shake my head giving her a helpless look.

"I don't know Em, I really don't know."

* * *

The next day roles around and I slowly pull myself out of bed and ready for school wanting to do something today. I actually knew what Em and I are going to do but I need to do it by myself first. Something just isn't right here and I intend to find out what. Aria just isn't hiding what she has already show. The dead look in her eyes gives away that she has been through more than she lets on.

I slowly move my way to school before moving through the hallways, noticing the graphite locker that belongs to Aria as well the as short brunette at her locker digging through it.

I'm tempted to apologise for how yesterday went but somewhere in my mind I know that it wouldn't be the best idea so I continue to walk down the halls looking for one person: Caleb. (He's here!) If anybody knew anything about her it would be him or Hannah Marin but I didn't really want to try that. Speaking of Caleb though, I see him walking in the halls and I grab his arm, pulling him into the nearest, empty, classroom before letting go.

"Spencer, you could of just asked nicely you know." Caleb teases and I just give him a glare to which he repays mockingly.

"I could of but I didn't so get over it." I shoot back at him "I need something out of you. I need information.

I watch him as he goes up to the door and shuts it before making sure nobody is listening or watching. He then turns back to me with a straight face.

"Why on earth would I give you information?"

"Because I don't think I need to remind you of the countless favours you owe me?" I challenge, eyebrow raised at his idiocy of not remembering what he owed me.

"Right" He coughs and leans back against a table "Who do you want it on though?"

"One person, Aria Montgomery." I reply and I watch as his eyes widen at the mention of that name.

"That girl is virtually impossible to figure out and I barely have anything on her. Nobody knows a thing about her…Nobody but, I think, 1 person." I continue to listen to him as he runs through his thoughts "Look, the dude's name is Sam and I think he used to know her, that's how a lot of the rumours around Aria started anyway."

"You mean you don't believe them?" I question and he just looks at me.

"Why would I? Most of these things people say were rumours to begin with but overtime Aria slowly succumb to them and let them control her life. She became what people said she was and slowly she just lost the life in herself." He replies and I just nod my head at him. "Look, is that the only thing you wanted?"

"One more." I tell him before he can leave and he waits for me to continue "Where can I find "Sam"?"

"One word Spencer, Radley." And I watch as he leaves the classroom in a flash.

* * *

**A/N:** I do apologies for another short chapter and I do plan on making the next one longer.  
So Spencer is now traveling to Radley... Thanks for one of the ideas in this chapter ZombiepiEs

* * *

ZombiepiEs: Thanks for reviewing. They are short and sweet all the time. Love 'em. I do appreciate the story ideas so keep them coming.

Jennathehealer: Don't worry I know that feeling and I get what you mean. It's all good and I'm glad you enjoy this. I appreciate you writing a review.

xprettylittleloverx: 4 am to read my last chapter? Should I want to know why your up that early? and I think it will just get a little more complex and confusing for a little while before straightening out. There will be a plot twist soon but that's all i'm saying hehehe.

I don't really know how to say thankyou 50 different times for all the reviews guys but I do love each of them and I thank you all for taking the time to write one. I'm not a very sappy person...

* * *

until next time guys

-guess  
(waddles away)


	7. To Radley she goes

**Everything that is in **_Italics _**this chapter is a flashback in Sam's POV.**

* * *

**_PREVIOUSLY_**

* * *

_"__One person, Aria Montgomery." I reply and I watch as his eyes widen at the mention of that name._

_"__That girl is virtually impossible to figure out and I barely have anything on her. Nobody knows a thing about her…Nobody but, I think, 1 person." I continue to listen to him as he runs through his thoughts "Look, the dude's name is Sam and I think he used to know her, that's how a lot of the rumours around Aria started anyway."_

_"__You mean you don't believe them?" I question and he just looks at me. _

_"__Why would I? Most of these things people say were rumours to begin with but overtime Aria slowly succumb to them and let them control her life. She became what people said she was and slowly she just lost the life in herself." He replies and I just nod my head at him. "Look, is that the only thing you wanted?"_

_"__One more." I tell him before he can leave and he waits for me to continue "Where can I find "Sam"?"_

_"__One word Spencer, Radley." And I watch as he leaves the classroom in a flash._

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

* * *

I didn't think waiting for somebody would make me so impatient but that's what I'm doing. As it turns out, Sam's last name is Storm and when I worked that out I quickly made my way to Radley. I'm currently waiting at a seat while they go and get the guy.

The table in front of me is bare and I can feel the conversations around me perfectly. I look at two people talking, their casual chatter slowly gets louder and louder until one of them is being tackled onto the floor by the other one. I continue to watch as nurses struggle to pull them apart and I think I see one of the nurses even get kicked in the face. I sigh and shake my head hoping that my discussion doesn't turn out like that.

"Who are you and what do you want?" a voice says from next to me and I turn to see a guy with long black hair, that's put into a ponytail, looking right at me with a confused and angry look. (I'm sorry I can't think of a whole OC idea..stuff me)

I notice the bags under his brown eyes and the all-around exhausted look he had on his face "I'm here to talk to you about somebody you might remember." Is all I say in answer.

Sam looks at me with a slight smile and raises an eyebrow, interested in the topic I've chosen. I watch as he puts on finger up, moves from the table and talks to the nurse that is watching us for a minute. The nurse nods at Sam and walks off and Sam comes back to the table, now smiling devilishly.

"I have a lot of people you may want to talk about you're going to need to be precise." He explains and watches as my eyes light up in realisation that Aria wasn't his only target.

"Aria, Aria Montgomery." I mutter at him not wanting other people to listen in on this conversation.

The smile that was already on Sam's face, somehow, just got a whole lot bigger as If Aria was the best prize he has ever one and that scares me a little. I know want to know what he's done to her, mostly out of curiosity and I really don't know why I'm so curious I just have a compulsion to get answers.

"Oh, that little dyke? How is she doing anyway? I haven't seen her in ages." He ponders and I let out a low growl that he doesn't her when he says dyke. "She was my best project ever. I don't think I'll ever forget her face as her world fell apart."

All I can do is watch in astonishment as he laughs while he is probably thinking of everything he's done to Aria. I couldn't believe this guy but I guess this is why he is in Radley. I sigh as he slowly kills off his laughter.

"I want to know the story, the real one Sam." I demand and he just looks at me, intrigued "I want to know what you did to her and how you did it."

"You want the whole story do you?" Sam growls "Why?"

I hadn't really thought about what do with this question and I know an answer that will get me what I need but, on the other hand, if the answer is to ever find its way to Aria I knew she would probably never trust me. I know what I need to do but am I will to do _anything_ and say anything?

"Because I want to do it to her too." Yes, I am. I'm just silently hoping nobody is recording this conversation or I'm screwed.

Sam goes into a full fit of laughter after a few seconds of silence that appeared after I answered the question. It is like he thinks I'm going to do it too and then give him the real reason I actually want to know what he did.

"Ohhhh, you were serious?" He asks, disbelief showing on his face "how do I know your telling me the truth?"

I think of an explanation for that for a minute "Why else would I go to all the trouble to find you otherwise? Don't you think I could of found to story from Aria herself? I didn't however, I came to you because you have the information on how to do it, on how to pull it off." I lie, hoping I am believable.

I hear the sound of a chair moving and watch as Sam moves his chair over to me and he looks me over. He doesn't say a word the whole time and I just hold my breath at his antics. Sam then proceeds to move his chars to the right of me and I look at him dead in the eye while he does the same to me.

"So, you want to know the full story?" He asks and I nod my head without hesitation "Well then, you may want to get comfortable."

_Aria and I are at our lunch table, her on the table smiling down up at me while I'm standing up facing her. We're both just trapped in our own little world where she doesn't take notice of anything happening around us._

_"__People are watching us." I whisper to her and she nods in response "Let's give them a nice, simple, gesture this time shall we?"_

_She mumbles a faint "yes" and I lean down, capturing her lips onto mine. I wrap my arms around her waist while she wraps hers around my neck. She kisses me back, reluctantly and I contemplate whether or not to pull back and slap her to keep her in character. In the end I restrain myself but only just._

_This school is like hell to anybody that happens to be gay and I somehow managed to find out from a few birdies of mine. I'm just going to do what I do to everyone else I meet, crush them. I offered to be her cover and she thanked me for that. According to the school we have been dating for nearly 2 years now. _

_We pull away from each other at the same time and press our foreheads together. I move one of my arms away from her waist and brush a strand of hair away from her face while she lets out a, fake, sweet smile. _

_Before we do anything else the bell rings and we both let out convincing groans before she gets up. I interlock out fingers together and we walk side by side to our lockers and next classes._

"I must say though, even reluctant, that girl is a good kisser." Sam points out after telling me that bit of the story and I take a deep breath to not let my face contort into disgust.

"Dully noted." I state, bluntly and in monotone "What does that have to do with anything anyway? I don't need to know the sex scenes you two had in the middle of school in their "glorious detail." So can you speed up the story a little?"

Again this guy bursts out into a fit of laughter and all I want to do is choke him until he spills out what I want to know. This guy's laugh is horrible it sounds like he is a squeaky two that has lost its squeak. It doesn't suit him in the slightest and it's getting on my nerves more and more. I normally don't even mind when people laugh like that but this is an exception to that rule.

"My dear "He starts "Everything will be said in due time but you wanted to know the detail of what I did and that's what I'm giving you. Now just enjoy the rest of this story."

What have I gotten myself into?!

_"__Hey, Aria, can I take you, in private?" I ask sweetly and I can already feel cavities becoming apparent on my teeth._

_I watch as Aria looks at me with a mix of curiosity and fear. She nods her head and I drag her, by the wrist into the closest classroom because I knew they would be empty, it's lunch time now so everybody is busy stuffing their mouths with food._

_"__W-what did you want to talk about?" She stutters. _

_Cute, she thinks I'm going to hurt her. If only she knew what I am going to do to her. "A little birdie told me that you don't swing for the same team." I smile as her eyes widen in fear "Don't worry though I'm not going to do anything but I am going to help you."_

_"__Why would you help me? How would you help me?" She asks and I just shake my head at her._

_Come on Aria don't be an insolent little girl and let me help you, let me show you what torture really is "Because people are going to notice sooner or later how you look at girls and how you turn down every guy that asks you out. It's going to become obvious sooner or later and I don't want to see you suffer to consciences of when people do find out. You and I both know what this school is like." I state in the sweetest and most caring voice I could possibly muster, I swear I'm vomiting when this is over "Let me be a cover for you. I'll just say your dating me and we'll give shows of public affection like holding hand and making out to let people think that we're dating. If you do that people get off you back and you don't have to worry about a thing."_

_"__What do you get out of this?" Aria questions, curiously._

_To watch you suffer and rot obviously "I get to make a new friend out of this and do something good. You should just be glad I'm willing to do this for you." I state and a smile reaches Aria's face as she falls for the bait._

_"__When do we start?" _

_"__Tomorrow."_

_That's where the conversation ends and she walks out of class. I stay there a bit longer, make sure she's gone, and turn off the voice recorder hidden in my pocket. I smile to myself before finally making my way out of the classroom._

_She fell for it hook line and sinker. That is going to be her undoing._

* * *

_"__I'm so going to be screwed on this test! I haven't done an ounce of studying!" Aria complains and I just nod my head faking understanding._

_We are currently at Aria's house and she is just going on about how she is going to fail a test she needs to pass for some class she might fail._

_I get up from my spot on the Montgomery's bed and hug her "You know, I do happen to have the answers to that test, like all the other ones, and I could give them too you if you ask nicely." I mutter into her ear._

_She pulls away from the hug in one swift motion and stares at me in disbelief "I'm desperate but I'm not going to cheat on a test you know that all too well Sam." Aria declares and I playfully role my eyes at her._

_Come on little Aria don't be so difficult now I just want to manipulate you and have this moment recorded on the voice recorder that is currently in my pocket, as always. "Come on Ar you and I both know that if don't you're going to get held back a year and that makes it harder to be your cover. Come on Ar just ask and I'll give them to you. It just has to be this one test and you'll be fine."_

_"__okay" she breaths "Can I have the answers to the Mathematics test please?" _

_Well done, you have played the part perfectly. Now all I need is a few more things and I'll be right. I hand Aria the folded paper and whisper "See you later" before walking out the room and making my way home to save my new information._

"Miss visiting hours are over today, come back tomorrow if you want." A nurse interrupts and I silently curse under my breath.

I don't want to leave yet, I want to know what happens. I need to know what else he made Aria do but I can't find out today, I need to come back tomorrow and from the slight nod that Sam gives I get that he is going to be expecting me tomorrow.

"See you tomorrow, Hastings." He dismisses and the nurse that was watching at the start of this meeting is directing Sam, from what I can tell, back to his room while another one leads me away.

I give my visitors badge in before walking out of Radley for the rest of the day and driving home coming to reality of what I've really gotten myself into.

None of my answers end on a positive note though.

* * *

**A/N:** So i'm not dead, that's the good news. I'm sorry this took a while to upload I've just been a bit busy. It got there though and you going to get more flashbacks next chapter I promise.  
Ohh, and in-case you missed it Italics in this chapter are flashbacks in Sam's POV.

I'm really just running out of ways to say thank-you for reviewing...arghhhh. I will find more ways by the end of this story that's like the one thing I have been planning to do for a while...I should probably get onto that.

Anyway, Thanks to the reviews last chapter people (I'm not gender-locking) I really appreciated them and loved reading them.

Until I upload next  
-Guess  
(waddles away)


	8. Flashbacks

_PREVIOUSLY_

_"__Miss visiting hours are over today, come back tomorrow if you want." A nurse interrupts and I silently curse under my breath. _

_I don't want to leave yet, I want to know what happens. I need to know what else he made Aria do but I can't find out today, I need to come back tomorrow and from the slight nod that Sam gives I get that he is going to be expecting me tomorrow. _

_"__See you tomorrow, Hastings." He dismisses and the nurse that was watching at the start of this meeting is directing Sam, from what I can tell, back to his room while another one leads me away. _

_I give my visitors badge in before walking out of Radley for the rest of the day and driving home coming to reality of what I've really gotten myself into._

_None of my answers end on a positive note though._

* * *

**CHAPTER 7**

* * *

I really don't know what changed her from yesterday but now she keeps throwing me these subtle glances in hallways, classrooms anywhere and it's driving me up the wall to no end.

What on Earth does Spencer Hastings know about me?

I shake my head and turn my attention to the locker in front of me, opening it. I need to find out what she knows and who she's getting the information from. If I can do that then I can shut her down, tell her it's all false even if it is true. I don't need her looking at me like that and it's annoying me to know end.

Can't she see I'm fine!?

The good thing is that Spencer is staying away from me though. Now if only I could get her to stop staring at the back of my head because I can feel it. It feels like the sun is burning through my skull. In other words, she is glancing at me like I going to transform into something if she looks at me.

I 'm not exactly sure If it's the grey splotches of colour covering the normally blue sky or the fact that I can't seem to get a grasp on the reality that surrounds me but, all I know is, I just want this day to end and another one to cover of its imprinting shadow that covers my mind.

_I put an arm down for her to take to help her up "It's fine, honestly, I don't really care as much as I should anymore." I say as I'm pulling Spencer up._

_"__Maybe you should start then." She suggest as I start walking away from her and I suddenly turn my head back to her._

_"__It's too late for that." Is the only thing I explain with a defeated look before walking out the ally without another word._

As the final bell echoes through the halls, signalling the end of the day I find that scene being played in my head more and more. I'm not quite sure why entirely but it is getting on my nerves. I already made up my mind that it is too late and I can't change that choice.

Or can I?

I quickly shake my head and dispose of that though before it starts to take over my mind. I shouldn't be thinking like that. I'm fine now and everything will go back to normal soon.

I hope.

_My back collides with my locker and the noise rebounds through the hall but nobody is her at the moment. Everybody's gone. Everyone is busy and I am stupid enough to do what he says. I need to though because he's my only cover. I just need to put up with it. _

_He comes up restrains my arms against the lockers while bringing he face close to mine. If looks could kill I would surely be dead by now. The stenches of alcohol clear on his breath and the clothes that he is wearing at all tangled and messy. I looks like he hasn't sleep for a long time and his hair is all tangled and knotty. _

_"__Your reluctance isn't helping my dear." He spits venomously "When we started this I though you said that you would follow my lead. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THEN?!" His voice raises and I can feel my heartbeat pick up out of fear. "I guess I should teach you a thing or two then my dear." He's smiling now and I suddenly feel his lips on mine._

_He's smiling into the kill and bites down on my lip, drawing blood. I can't move because my arms are stuck by my side, I can feel blood traveling down my chin and I am completely frozen in shock and fear. It's only after I break out of my trance that I remember what he wants so I kiss him back, hoping that it's convincing._

_As soon as he feels my kissing back he pulls back "See? That's much better Ar." He states and removes his grip on my arms, moving away "Now if only you would do that in school people wouldn't think something's up with us." He laughs and suddenly faces me again, a stern look on his face "You going to be better this time Montgomery?"_

_Every part of me is screaming no but I'm not sure what he will do if I say no "Yes, Sam." I finally reply. _

_The echo of skin meeting skin goes through the halls and I'm now on the ground, holding my bloody cheek "GOOD!" Sam screeches and storms away while I'm stuck here taking care of my bloody cheek, lip and bruised arms. _

_I sigh to myself and push myself off the ground now feeling like a bigger idiot for actually coming into the school and following his orders. What could I do though? One muck up and suddenly the school knows about me. One muck up and Sam tells the school about me. _

_Either way I'm fucked._

The slamming of my locker door attracts a few people's attention but I'm done at the moment. I'm just done with everything at the moment. That memory was meant to be forgotten but somehow is worked its way back into the front of my mind. Back to consuming my mind one part at a time and I can't do anything but try and forget again.

I really don't want to figure out what other memories that the single memory unlocked out of fear I'll get more then I bargain for. I have enough on my mind that I don't need to be kept up all night from memories that are meant to have disappeared from my mind.

Like I said I don't care as much as I should anymore.

So why am I starting to care?

Walking through the halls I wasn't paying attention until I notice Emily and Spencer walking out of an office with a file. They nod at each other and Emily hands Spencer before jogging down the hall to Alison. I watch as Spencer moves with the file and makes sure nobody else can see it.

What could she possibly have to hide?

That's when I realise that the office she just walked out of is the office containing all the student files. Everything just seems to come to me and I follow Spencer suddenly noticing that the folder she is holding it probably mine. I didn't need her reading that.

_"__What's that?" I ask more fearfully then I meant._

_"__This just happens to be your school file, what else?" Sam replies as he slams it down, in front of me on my bed._

_I freeze at that "What are you going to do with it?" I question while Sam grows a mischievous smirk._

_"__Make sure the school knows exactly what's on it if you don't do as I say." He explains and all I can do is sigh._

_"__Fine." I state getting off my bed and walking up to him "What do you want me to do first?"_

I shake my head as I keep following Spencer only to have Noel Kahn shove me against a locker. He grabs my arms and leans in close.

"You were ignoring me Montgomery." He states not losing his grip on my arms "I don't like that."

I can feel tears trying to come to my eyes as Noel tightens his grip on the place I had the shards of glass. It's still healing! I refuse the tears though so Noel doesn't get to have something else to laugh at.

"You going to ignore me again?" He asks to which I shake my head no "Good girl."

Noel proceeds to release my arms and walk off. I look down the hallway to notice Spencer being gone so I make my way out of school knowing that I wouldn't be getting much sleep thinking that she had my file.

It's not until I get home I realise just how tired and annoyed I am. I'm lucky Bryon isn't home for once because I'm really not in the mood to deal with him. I'm just not in the mood to deal with anyone.

I don't really know how much I drank when I got to my room but right now everything is just a bit fuzzy and I can feel myself about to pass out. I think I grab a lighter from somewhere and I can feel pain travel up my arm.

_Just stop caring. _

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, I do realise how short this chapter is. No, I didn't actually mean to take this long to upload.  
You'll understand the school file a bit more in the next chapter along with a few other things so it will be longer then this.

A lot longer.

I'm in the most peculiar mood right now and I don't know why. I'm like exhausted but extremely happy at the same time...how?

Anyway, I really appreciate your reviews guys and I love reading them.

Until next time  
-guess  
(waddles away)


	9. finally cracking

_PREVIOUSLY_

* * *

_It's not until I get home I realise just how tired and annoyed I am. I'm lucky Bryon isn't home for once because I'm really not in the mood to deal with him. I'm just not in the mood to deal with anyone._

_I don't really know how much I drank when I got to my room but right now everything is just a bit fuzzy and I can feel myself about to pass out. I think I grab a lighter from somewhere and I can feel pain travel up my arm._

_Just stop caring._

* * *

**CHAPTER 8**

* * *

Spencer makes her way down and out of the school and towards the park in Rosewood. She has the folder in her bag and is silently hoping that Emily would already be there. They need to hurry up and read the inside of the file otherwise people might know it's missing or Aria might find out that Spencer and Emily took it.

Aria, on the other hand, is across town passed out drunk on her bed. Her mind ravished with nightmare of the day's events. They end up mixing with her whole life flashing as though it's some horror movie and Aria will wake up in a sweat as well as a hangover. The hangover she could deal with. It's the nightmares that really get her.

Spencer finally reaches the park and notices an anxious Emily sitting on the bench, tapping her foot on the cement below her. The brunette makes her way over to the bench and sits down. She slowly reaches down into, her bag pulling out the file and handing it to Emily.

Everything around them is oddly silent. The trees are still and there aren't any birds around at the moment. It's as if everything is just on pause for the moment. It's as if everything is waiting for the answers that lied on that single folder. Of course it wouldn't be everything that is wrong but there would be a certain amount on there. Enough to finally crack the tiny brunette and get her to open up after all these years.

The folder is open now and eyes are scanning the pages of it. Faces change into ones of understanding and shock. I rather pissed and hung-over brunette making her way towards the pair. Suddenly two pairs of dark brown eyes look up to meet a pair of black sunglasses covering the eyes of a hazel eyed girl.

"Yeah, we're caught." Spencer points out and if the tension in the air wasn't there then it would of caused the other two to laugh.

Aria grunts a little from the headache and a little from the anger that is seeping through her. Now, she's not exactly sure how she woke up so soon after drinking that much but she had and she wanted-needed to get that folder back from Spencer. She knows what's on it and she isn't exactly sure she saw it all. She didn't need anybody else reading that folder. She didn't need any more secrets being shown in front of the school.

"Look, Aria-" Emily tries to state but is quick to shut up after Aria basically barks at her.

Spencer takes notice at just how pale Aria actually looks now. She looks in pain and she keeps moving her arms as if no matter where she places them it's always going to hurt. That's when Spencer actually really studies Aria's features, more than she's done before. Spencer can she Aria's collar bone clearly because of the hoodie she's wearing, her hair is dead and tangled. Spencer can now just see the exhausted way Aria stands as if she could collapse at any minute.

"Why on earth do you have my folder?!" Aria seethes through gritted teeth. If they hadn't already been sitting down Spencer and Emily would have backpedalled at the tone of Aria's voice.

Spencer's the one to regain her confidence, passing the folder to Emily and standing up "Because you wouldn't give us any answers!" She spits just as harsh back.

Spencer could have sworn that she saw Aria shiver with fear but it was so brief, so discrete, that she wasn't sure if she actually did or not. She's hoping that it didn't happen otherwise she just could have made things harder for herself.

All of a sudden the folder is grabbed out of Emily's hand and Aria is taking off. Though fast she is also suffering from a list of problems that slow her down. The exhaustion is the main one and Aria's just hoping she can get far enough away before she collapses.

"Did you get the page?" Spencer asks as she turns her head away from where Aria sprinted off.

Emily slowly pulls out a page from her bag and gives it to Spencer "of course." She states.

Aria finally stops running and collapses onto the dirt below her. She grunts as she lands and she just stays lying there as if nothing was important anymore. The dirt is soft and the birds in the surrounding area are chirping, creating a peaceful atmosphere. Aria slowly turns onto her back and looks at the sky, sighing she lifts up the folder and looks at each of the pages.

"Shit!" Aria swears as she notices one of the more important pages are missing but she's too tired to move so she just continues to lay there and listen to the sounds around her.

_{SPARIA}_

Groaning Aria finally trudges up to the doorstep of her house and tries to open the door only to find it's locked. Normally this wouldn't faze Aria but she had forgotten her key when she left the house earlier and everywhere else is shut up tight. The spare key is nowhere to be found either as Bryon had taken it one night.

As she pulls up the hood on her hoodie and gripping the folder tighter Aria makes her way down the now empty streets of Rosewood. Only a few cars and pets making noises every few minutes kept her sane. As much as she loves the silence Aria hates it when it's the dead of night. It has to be at least 10 pm.

Rain starts pouring down and the cold air causes Aria to keep shivering. She knows that she's going to wake up with one hell of a cold in the morning. Aria continues trekking down the streets and she notices how there are slightly more cars now she's near the park. She slowly listens to the sound of the engines as each car drives past her.

One car catches Aria's attention though as it pulls up next to her. Not knowing what to really do Aria starts to just walk away but a hand grabs onto her wrist and turns her around. She is instantly greeted with Noel smirking down at her. The grip on her wrist tightens yet again and she winces every so lightly at that.

The smile on Noel's face is evil and twisted as if he does this all the time. The next thing that happens is an echo of a slap reaching through the now dead silent street. Aria brings her only free arm up and touches her cheek. She can feel it stinging and tears threaten to fall out of her eyes. She doesn't let them though. She doesn't want to give Noel the joy of seeing herself cry.

A punch is thrown by Noel and I lands square in the mouth of Aria. She backpedals but can't get far as Noel pulls her back by the wrist and wraps a hand around her throat. Aria tries to push Noel off her with her free hand but she's too weak to do it. She stuck and can slowly feel that she can't breathe.

"W-Why?" Aria manages to choke out but instead of responding Noel tightens his grip on her neck.

The only sound around them is the rain that continues to pelt down, soaking Noel and Aria in the process. The blood now running down Aria's face is washed off by the time it reaches her chin. Now that Aria is in trouble there manages to be no cars out on the road.

Black spots cloud Aria's vision and she's not sure how much longer she can stay conscious. The idea of blacking out and Noel taking her somewhere seems to be fuelling her to stay conscious. The thought of being taken is a good on to Aria but she wanted it to really be with anybody that isn't named Noel Kahn.

Just as Aria is about to pass out she can hear a body slam against Noel's and the hand around her neck is removed. She can feel herself fall to the ground, landing on her hands and knees, and she starts coughing, trying to catch her breath. Aria hears the sound of bone cracking over the sound of her coughing.

"Next time Montgomery!" Noel yells and Aria hears the sound of footsteps taking off in the distance.

Aria finally regains her sight and notices that there is a brunette crouched down next to her. Panic filled hazel eyes look up to meet, concerned, dark brown.

"You okay?" Spencer asks and all Aria could reply with is another cough "Come on."

Spencer stands up and puts an arm out to which Aria happily grabs. Spencer puts an arm around Aria's waist and guides her back to her car. She places her in the passenger seat before getting in herself and driving home.

_{SPARIA}_

When they arrive at their destination Spencer goes and helps Aria out of the car before putting her arm around Aria's waist again. Though capable of moving just fine Aria places some of her wait onto Spencer in fear that if she didn't she would collapse, turning out not to be fine.

The car ride had been silent on the way here with Aria just staring out the window, not wanting to talk. Spencer, on the other hand, kept her eyes focused on driving while shooting a few occasional glances towards Aria. She didn't want her to freak out or anything while in the car because that would prove to be hard to deal with.

It's only after they reach the porch does Aria realise that it's not in fact her house they're at but somebody else's. Spencer unlocks the front door and moves Aria over to the couch in the living room before placing her down and walking off for a minute.

"Nice house." Aria comments when Spencer returns, her voice a bit hoarse still.

Spencer offers her a small smile before moving to sit down next to Aria. She sits down and looks at Aria's exposed neck to notice the bruise marks already appearing. The slap mark on her face is also starting to bruise and Spencer is pretty sure there is one developing on her wrists but didn't ask knowing she wouldn't show it.

Spencer pulls out a folded piece of paper and holds it out to Aria "We read all of it but we thought you might want it back." She sighs and watches as Aria slowly reaches for the paper and grabbing it.

Aria proceeds to place it in the folder that is currently in a death grip. She stops as she's about to place it in and lazily throws the folder and paper onto the table in front of her. Spencer just looks at her with confusion written all over her face. She listens as Aria sighs and sink further into the couch.

"I really can't win here." Aria mumbles "You've already read what's on the paper so I really don't need to hide the whole folder do i? So my real question is what do you want out of me?"

Silence takes over the room and Spencer just looks at Aria in shock. She couldn't believe that Aria thought that she wants something out of this. If she did she wouldn't of gone to such lengths to find out about her.

"You really think I want something out of this?" Spencer asks, anger creeping into her voice. When she is met with silence Spencer scoffs "If I wanted something out of this I would have left you with Noel! If I wanted something out of this I would have read that paper there and not have given it back to you! If I wanted something out of this I would have never come crawling back to you after I insulted you!."

Suddenly both girls were off the couch and staring each other down. Aria with sadness etched onto her face and Spencer with anger. The silence in the room is only broken by a soft whimper from Aria and her collapsing back onto the couch, holding her head in pain.

With tears in her eyes Aria finally cracks "I'm sorry alright!." She blurts out "I'm sorry I haven't been that nice around you! I'm sorry I haven't been able to open up to you! I'm sorry I haven't been able to trust you but I can't. I just can't trust anybody anymore alright?! I may be covered in blood, cold and wet and you could be taking care of me right now but I wouldn't know! I would just think that these are all just excuses to get close to me only to shatter me into even smaller pieces and I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry!"

Finally she breaks down and puts her head in her hands sobbing. Whatever trance Spencer was in she snaps out of it and moves to Aria's side. She wraps her arms around her and Aria continues to cry in the crook ok her neck. Spencer had finally gotten Aria to open up a bit and no matter what it takes she is going to fix the sobbing brunette in her arms. That's what she had set out to do from the start and that's how it's going to finish.

_Spencer is going to repair what is broken._

* * *

**A/N:** I now feel like the first 8 chapters are a protologue but the title is now in my story..YES!

Oh and a massive thank-you to everybody that is reading and reviewing my story because this has now reached over 1200 views so thank-you again.

I'm sorry if this isn't what i promised I said I would have out but i never been good at keeping promises when it comes to writing.

Until next time  
-guess  
(waddles away)


	10. Dance with me please

**This writing = A song  
****_This writing = A_********_flashback_**_  
This writing = Character's subconscious  
Song used in this chapter is "Your's to hold" by Skillet  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Pll or the song used._

* * *

PREVIOUSLY

* * *

_Suddenly both girls were off the couch and staring each other down. Aria with sadness etched onto her face and Spencer with anger. The silence in the room is only broken by a soft whimper from Aria and her collapsing back onto the couch, holding her head in pain. _

_With tears in her eyes Aria finally cracks "I'm sorry alright!." She blurts out "I'm sorry I haven't been that nice around you! I'm sorry I haven't been able to open up to you! I'm sorry I haven't been able to trust you but I can't. I just can't trust anybody anymore alright?! I may be covered in blood, cold and wet and you could be taking care of me right now but I wouldn't know! I would just think that these are all just excuses to get close to me only to shatter me into even smaller pieces and I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry!"_

_Finally she breaks down and puts her head in her hands sobbing. Whatever trance Spencer was in she snaps out of it and moves to Aria's side. She wraps her arms around her and Aria continues to cry in the crook of her neck. Spencer had finally gotten Aria to open up a bit and no matter what it takes she is going to fix the sobbing brunette in her arms. That's what she had set out to do from the start and that's how it's going to finish. _

_Spencer is going to repair what is broken._

* * *

**CHAPTER 9**

* * *

I groan and rub my face as I finally open my eyes. There is light in the room I'm in and it's way too bright at the moment. That's when everything comes flooding back about Noel and Spencer. I roll over and instantly fall off the couch, the noise making the person on the other couch wake up.

"You okay?" Spencer asks while looking down at me obviously amused at my current state.

I just glare at her and push myself up "Just peachy." I respond. I slowly just wander around the room taking a better look at it. I notice just how quite it is and I'm not quite sure whether to ask if her parents are home or not. If they saw me though that would be a bit hard to explain.

"They're out for some jobs somewhere. My sister's not really home anymore and if she is it would end with arguments between her and I." Spencer explains noticing the conflicted look on my face.

I look down at myself and notice that I'm still in my half-wet clothes. Sleeping face down on a couch didn't really help with drying them that much. I know how much I must look like a mess and I turn my attention to the couch I was previously on to notice just how wet it is along with a few drops of blood. I can feel my body freeze at that knowing if I did that at home I would get a wonderful beating.

**_"_****_CARELESS LITTLE TWIT!"_**

"Um, s-sorry a-a-about the c-couch." I stutter and Spencer has a confused look on her face before noticing the couch and shrugging at it.

She then notices just how tense I am and I think she realises just how bad it must seem for me again "It's fine" She reassures "I can get it cleaned later on and it's not like the one I slept on faired any better."

I spin around and look at how wet the other couch is as well and I cringe a little at that. I don't really pay attention to what Spencer is doing but I just move and sit near the end of the couch feeling like if I sat anywhere else she would bark at me. I'm hunched over with my elbows on my legs and rubbing my hands together. Spencer eventually comes and takes a seat right next to me, handing me a cup of coffee. I thank her quietly and I'm not quite sure how I thought the coffee would taste but as soon as it hits my throat I struggle with the urge to spit it straight out. When I do eventually swallow it I start coughing and the amazing Spencer Hastings starts laughing her ass off at me.

"Seriously? How strong do you have your coffee?" I question when I finally stop coughing my lungs out.

"I'll remember to warn you next time then." The brunette laughs and I just let an out a small growl from my throat.

I put the cup down and continue to rub my hands while Spencer keeps drinking her coffee. Silence slowly in cases the room and the only sound to be heard is Spencer swallowing every few minutes. I notice the brunette keep glancing at me with a conflicted expression as she opens but shuts her mouth as it trying to say something.

"You do remember last night, right?" She finally asks curiously and I just continue to look down at my hands.

"Can't forget it." I whisper knowing full well with the silence that Spencer heard me perfectly.

My breath hitches and I don't dare move or really breathe as I wait for the arguments to begin. I know I said I was sorry to her and acted as if I would open up to her more but I can't help being defensive. I can't help shutting people down as soon as they start knocking down my walls. My heart is now just a black spot in my chest. It doesn't know what it really feels like to be loved. It doesn't know what it's like to have people really care anymore.

"You're not going to start talking though after everything though, are you?" She continues to question and I note the bit of desperation and exhaustion in her voice as if she's just done with me.

I just need to keep pushing her a bit more and she'll be out of my life for good. I can then forget about her and move on with the life. I was born with. Some people are meant to have it good while others are just rejected and shoved into corner to fend for themselves. Then there's me, I'm somewhere where people didn't even know I existed and the only way to gain any attention is to seem like a massive attention seeker or do something that isn't good as seen in the eyes of my owner.

"Whatever gave you that thought?" The sarcasm is laced within each word and I don't really mean to sound harsh but that's what slips out my mouth, without any thought. I hear a noise of a coffee cup being put down and I know this isn't going to end that well.

Out the corner of my eye I see Spencer's face slowly transform into one of disapproving and her hands clench up. "Why though?" Her anger is seeping through and she's nearly yelling "I know what happened, Emily knows what happened because we both read that page!" Spencer is now throwing both her hands dramatically at the folder on the table "We both know that Sam used those voice recording of you and played it to the school, We know that he got in good with the principle and started having all your grades dropped so your started failing and we also know about how you once had to get counselling because of your drinking problems! We know all this yet you refuse us a way to really understand you!"

We're both standing up now and something inside of me snaps "You haven't read everything yet then" I growl at her "You haven't read through that whole sheet thoroughly because you still don't know everything!"

"Then help me actually know everything! Help me actually understand you!" Spencer begs and I can see the desperation in her eyes.

I want to say yes. I want to let her in and to let her help me but no words come out my mouth. Out of all the words I know, read and written, I couldn't make up a single sentence. I couldn't let her understand me because the wall around my heart are too high now that there's no why she's climbing over them, even if all that remains is a small black hole.

"No." It's the only word I say in response and I see Spencer shake her head in anger. I've seen that look in her eye more than once before so I know to get out of here now.

Quickly picking up the file I practically run out of the Hastings house and all the way home, I'm just silently hoping that she isn't following me. I know I'm too stubborn for my own good and I hate it. I just couldn't force myself to open up to one person. One person that hasn't done anything to me yet, that hasn't shattered me even more.

_But she will._

_She's still playing you._

_She's just like the rest._

Noticing I'm passing a bin, I rip up the folder in my hands and dump it in before continuing to basically run home. Knowing if anybody wants to know what happened to it too bad them then.

After everything that girl has done for me you would think I would have the power to let her in a bit. She's seen me break down twice and has seen most of what I put up with. She hasn't run though, no, she's stayed right beside me the whole time. She's only lashed out once and that was when she first me. I don't understand why she found me and apologised though. Nobody else would have.

I know I have two options now, which are, to go back and apologise to her or I can go home and have the possibility to deal with a drunken and pissed of father. I have no idea why but I go with the second one for now.

_For now._

_{}{SPARIA}{}_

My home is much too silent then it should be. There's no TV echoing through each room and there's no sign of Bryon being around. I honestly have no idea where he could be but I really don't care. The silence just means that I'm going to be alone and that's something I really missed.

I make my way inside, through the front door, and slowly push up the stairs. I finally move into my room and instantly collapse onto my bed. I find myself just not wanting to move but I know what I need to do so I causally shuffle towards the bathroom and close the door after I entre. I look at my bloodied reflection and I just sigh. I know that I should be a bit horrified by what's staring back but I'm not. I'm just numb to it.

Shedding my clothing I move into the shower, wincing as the water makes contact with any cuts and burns on my skin. I stay in there for an uncertain amount of time but I just stay until I felt clean.

I finally force myself into putting some clothes on but no makeup. There isn't even enough in the world to really cover up all the bruises on my face and neck. I still have the black eye that is fading, the one that is now forming on the left side of my mouth and the finger looking bruises on my neck.

The burning sensation in my neck brings me back to reality and I know just how badly I need a drink to wash all my worries away. I just need a drink and them maybe I'll forget all my worries with everyone. Maybe then I'll be able to go back to my reality where everything seemed to make sense.

I refuse though. No matter how badly I want-need a drink I just refuse. If I'm going to apologise, and really mean it, I need to be able to remember it. I don't need myself waking up the next day with knowing that she actually didn't forgive me. I would just completely give up then.

_Come on, one drink. How much harm could it cause?_

It could cause more then I know so with my subconscious tearing at my mind I leave the house quickly in order not to succumb to it. The air outside is fresh and I take a deep breath in order to calm my nerves before walking down the street.

_{}{SPARIA}{}_

I'm not quite sure how I knew the whole way back but now that I'm standing in front of her door I have suddenly forgotten. It's just like that memory was I one time use and it self-destructed after I used it.

I bring my fist up to knock on the door but for some reason I just can't really bring myself to do it. I'm just stuck with my hand in a fist about 5cm away from it. I don't exactly know why I can't do anything now but I'm just frozen in time. I can feel my body wanting me to turn around and run but I quickly shake my head, knocking on the door now before I actually did run away.

I can practically hear the brunette's footsteps as she gets closer. There's a muffle of noise and a few clicks before the door is opened and a very confused Spencer is staring right at me. She tries to open her mouth and say something but nothing really seems to come out for her.

"Can I come in and talk to you?" I ask and I take notice of how she has obviously showered and gotten changed as well.

Spencer moves out of the doorway to let me in and I just move to the couch that I had slept on. Both of us sit down and I go back into the hunched position I was in when I was here earlier.

"I'm sorry about earlier." I finally say "That's just how I am I guess, too stubborn. I tried to let you in but my mind just took over and I said no without even thinking about it really."

I look to the side and notice that Spencer is looking down at me with half a smile on her face "It's fine." She breathes "I just wish you would let me in. I can promise you I'm not going to do anything more then I already have."

"I would but I just don't feel that safe around anyone anymore." I confess and watch as the brunette nods her head in understanding.

"Is there any way to change that opinion though?" She asks slowly gets up and just stepping around the room.

Silence takes over the two of us as I think about that. Is there any way to change that? Is there anything in the world to really make me know if I can feel safe?

That's when something clicks in my brain "Dance with me." I blurt out as I suddenly stand up. Spencer shakes her head, eyes widened as she stops walking and faces me.

"Wait. What?"

"Dance with me."

"But I don't have any-"

"I don't care."

"But I don't even know how-"

"I'll lead then."

"But why would-"

"Just trust me. Please?" I'm practically begging now. I watch as her dark brown eyes stare straight into my own. She sighs before nodding her head.

"Okay." She agrees and I just mumble a small thank you. She just gives me a small smile "Can I finish my sentences from now on though?"

I roll my eyes and she lets out a soft laugh at me. She comes up to me and I wrap my arms around her neck while she wraps hers around my waist. I don't know why but she just starts humming a song that I instantly recognise and before I know it I'm softly singing the words.

**I see you standing here  
But you're so far away  
Starving for your attention  
You don't even know my name**

We both just kind of move to the sounds of her humming and my singing. I'm not too sure how but I works. I close my eyes continuing to let the words of the song roll off my tongue and just let my body relax in hopes that this works. ****

You're going through so much  
But I know that I could be the one to hold you

Every single day  
I find it hard to say  
I could be yours alone  
You will see someday  
That all along the way  
I was yours to hold  
I was yours to hold

I finally open my eyes when I know my whole body is relaxed and look up to notice a soft smile placed on the taller girl's mouth as she continues to hum. Dark brown eyes look down and meet my hazel. She doesn't remove her eyes from mine and I'm not really sure what she could possibly see in my eyes besides the darkness in me.

**I see you walking by  
Your hair always hiding your face  
I wonder why you've been hurting  
I wish I had some way to say**

You're going through so much  
Don't you know that I could be the one to hold you

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
You should know  
I'm ready when you're ready for me  
And I'm waiting for the right time

**For the day I catch your eye  
To let you know  
That I'm yours to hold**

The brunette doesn't even take her eyes away from mine as we continue and I'm still confused why. Her smile grows slowly and I'm honestly not sure whether or not to be afraid or happy about that. I can see in her eyes though that she isn't going to do anything so I just trust myself with what I can see and continue to relax.****

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
I'm ready when you're ready for me

We both finish but we don't really pull away from each other "What could you possibly see in my eyes that keeps you smiling?" I finally ask needing to know the answer to it. Nobody has been able to look me in the eye and really smile before. It's kind of odd.

"Because I see hope." She explains and we pull each other into a hug. "Did you find the answer to your question though?" Spencer continues to ask.

"Yes and the answer is yes, I can change that opinion." I mumble and we just stay standing up, hugging because for the first time in my life I mean what I said.

For the first time in years I feel _Safe._


	11. Simplicity

_PREVIOUSLY_

* * *

**_For the day I catch your eye  
To let you know  
That I'm yours to hold_**

_The brunette doesn't even take her eyes away from mine as we continue and I'm still confused why. Her smile grows slowly and I'm honestly not sure whether or not to be afraid or happy about that. I can see in her eyes though that she isn't going to do anything so I just trust myself with what I can see and continue to relax.__****_

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach  
I'm ready when you're ready for me

_We both finish but we don't really pull away from each other "What could you possibly see in my eyes that keeps you smiling?" I finally ask needing to know the answer to it. Nobody has been able to look me in the eye and really smile before. It's kind of odd._

_"__Because I see hope." She explains and we pull each other into a hug. "Did you find the answer to your question though?" Spencer continues to ask._

_"__Yes and the answer is yes, I can change that opinion." I mumble and we just stay standing up, hugging because for the first time in my life I mean what I said._

_For the first time in years I feel Safe._

* * *

**CHAPTER 10**

* * *

_(POV Swap)_

The two bodies collapse onto the couch behind them but neither of them dare say a word, both their chests rising and falling slightly faster due to their recent activities. The pair wishes that the moment shared could last forever as it's the most peace they've had but they know that it needs to broken. Hazel eyes take their sight off of the ground and slowly rise to meet dark brown. The taller brunette has a small smile gracing her lips while the smaller is just staring at her, not really knowing how to respond.

"That was…different." Spencer states as though she is indifferent about what words to use. "It's something I wouldn't have thought of." She continues as she pushes herself off the couch, never daring to take her eyes off the mysterious girl that sits before her.

Aria slowly raises an eyebrow at the girl unsure whether or not to be insulted "I don't hear any complaining." She points out, watching as the smirk grows bigger on Spencer's lips.

"Never said I was." The athletic figure replies playfully which only earns an eye roll and half a grunt from Aria. Spencer just plays it off and laughs as she turns her attention behind herself to make sure she isn't going to walk straight into anything. Spencer may live in this house but it's not like she wouldn't bang into an object.

Aria, on the other hand, just falls back further into the couch and stares at the ceiling not really know what to do. It's a comfortable silence that encompasses the room but she could hear the echoing footsteps of Spencer in the back of her mind. It felt as though they are forever away but she knows just how close they are. Aria knows that her mind is just playing tricks on her.

"Are you okay?"

The sudden voice breaks the smallest of the pair of her trance and she looks up to notice Spencer sitting next to her again, staring right into her eyes. The closeness of the two makes Aria let out a small, high pitched, noise while jumping off the couch. The interaction is watched with humour and curiosity from Spencer before she breaks down into another set of giggles.

"Why do you ask?" Aria slowly questions back while trying her best not to snap. She knows that she should at least try and be nice to Spencer. Just let her stay around the edges for now while Aria really makes up her mind of what this girl is up to. She knows that she should sound so…'stubborn', as some would say, but Aria really can't help it at the moment.

"I had called your name at least 4 times and you didn't hear me sit next to you so I just thought you would be preoccupied with what's in your mind." Spencer explains as she watches Aria's face flush red from embarrassment.

"Damn." The hazel eyed girl mumbles under her breath "I'm not exactly sure what I thinking about, to be honest." She continues while looks directly in front of her. There's an emotionless look on her face and Aria can feel the dark brown eyes staring directly at her "You know how you start on one though but then move from one to another forgetting about the one you started with? Yeah, that's what's going on in my mind at the moment. No two things are the same and I can't remember where I started from. I'm just becoming lost in my mind and I'm just walking in circles in it."

Placing a comforting hand on top of one the smaller brunette's, Spencer just let out a breath "It's fine." She states as she squeezes the smaller hand. It gains the attention of the brunette and Spencer just gives a soft, reassuring, smile. "Can I ask you a question?" She questions and waits for a nod of the head from Aria before continuing "When's the last time you've eaten? I mean like a whole proper meal?"

"I honestly can't remember." Aria mumbles as an answer and she suddenly found the ground taking all her interest. There is no gasp or really any noise, for that matter, from Spencer. Aria isn't exactly sure whether to be relieved or worried that there is no reply.

Without another moment passing Spencer, once again, moves up off of the couch and into the kitchen while Aria continues to stare at the floor. There are sounds throughout the kitchen and before both girls really know just what happened there is a bowl of soup in front of Aria. The look of it nearly causing the short brunette to throw-up.

"I-I-I r-really c-c-can't" The now scared brunette stammers out. Aria knows she shouldn't be scared of the food because it is…well….food but for some reason she could see herself just throwing it back up later, the taste of vomit now clear in her mouth as she continues to just stare at the soup.

"It isn't a request, it is an order." Spencer states, her voice getting lower in warning. It's only now that the pair realises just how late in the day it actually is, 6:03pm to be exact. Then again neither girl is actually bothered by it as they know they aren't going to do anything tomorrow. All that matters now is what scene is being played in front of their eyes.

_(I needed something interesting for time skips…I came up with random comments…This is a time skip.)_

About a half of the bowl is gone before Aria simply can't eat anymore. She may have eaten at the Brew but it was never anything filling to her so eating something like this is a lot more challenging for her. Her hands are shaking now because the thoughts of the vomiting keep replaying in her mind as if on constant repeat.

Spencer, on the other hand, just watches Aria with interest the whole time while stuck in her own personal turmoil that involves her head and heart. Neither can decide what she wants and as much as the taller brunette wishes to scream of in frustration, she refrains herself from doing it for the moment.

As Aria starts to shake head as though she has had enough Spencer takes the sign and moves the bowl away from the girl. No words are really exchanged but Spencer just moves an arm around the hazel eyed girl as she shakes. The taller of the two know that Aria is having memories and thoughts and she doesn't want to do anything to make it worse so Spencer just comforts her. She just lets Aria know that she's right next to her.

"I'm sorry." Aria whispers out as she watches Spencer go and clean the bowl. Aria felt bad about wasting the food, about making Spencer put up with her and for being so damn uncontrollable.

Dark brown eyes meet Aria's hazel and Spencer just shakes her head at little "You." She starts and points a finger at the smaller of the two for good measure "Need to stop apologising so much." She finishes and walks back in front of Aria, holding a hand out to her she motions for the other brunette to come with her.

Unsure of why, Aria reaches out and places her hand in Spencer's. She is slowly dragged up the stairs but the grip on her hand doesn't seem to disappear. Fear creeps its way back into Aria and as much as she doesn't want it to be there, she's stuck with it simply for the reason of not knowing what the girl leading her is going. It only actually nearly disappears when they enter a room and, from what the short brunette can gather, it's Spencer's.

Moving to her wardrobe Spencer causally searches for clothing "You're staying her tonight whether or not you like it." She orders and throws a top and shorts at Aria, not really noticing if the girl caught them or not.

Aria takes a glance at the clothing in her hands before awkwardly shuffling her feet and hands "Ummm…D-do you...Ummm…h-have a bathroom w-where I c-could c-c-change." She finally gets out and she absolutely hates asking that question but Spencer just seemed to notice the torn look in Aria's eyes so she is quick to understand why she would really be nervous about asking that question.

Without another thought Spencer directs Aria to the bathroom before telling her to meet back downstairs after. The taller brunette continues into her room and gets changed into something else before walking downstairs and waiting.

_(Does anybody else choke on Doritos or is it just me?)_

Both girls are now just sitting on the couch, a blanket around them, with some random movie playing on screen but neither one is paying attention as the colours flicker on and off the screen. Each brunette has their own thoughts to attend to so it was hard to really pay attention to anything.

Spencer is still in turmoil with her heart and brain, neither of them settling with an answer to her predicament. She wants to let her heart decide for once but the shouting in her brain keeps telling her not to. That it's going to go downhill if that happens.

Aria, however, is stuck in her thoughts about what would happen is her dad notices she never comes home tonight. It's not like her would really care but, at the same time, she would probably get some sort of punishment for being out. Aria kept silently hoping that he never comes home tonight from wherever he currently is. She knows she should care but, in all reality, no matter how hard she tries, she doesn't.

The smaller keeps playing with the hem of the shorts she's wearing of the thoughts of what her father could possibly do to her and even though there are bruises along the legs of Aria, Spencer didn't question them. Instead, Spencer decided it would be better is she let Aria explain when she is ready. So, for now, she just keeps an arm over the girl's shoulders, keeping her close to her.

The next thing Spencer notices is the now asleep brunette she has her arm around and just smiles at how peaceful the girl looks when she sleeps. In all honesty Spencer is just sick of the arguing going on in her mind and just decides to block out her brain for once, letting her heart win.

Spencer just hopes that the girl sleeping close to her will start to open up soon because all Spencer wants to do is help. It also didn't help for the fact that now her heart had one she is now falling for the shorter brunette fast and hard. She knows she shouldn't really let that happen but she doesn't really care for the moment because everything's just peaceful, so she kisses the forehead of Aria and lets sleep slowly take over her body without knowing what tomorrow will bring.

* * *

A/N: I'm so sorry about not uploading for two weeks but I just had a lot of stuff being thrown at me at once. I know this isn't the longest chapter but I do hoped you enjoyed it.  
Don't worry if it seems like a forget about a story I really don't I just normally get so busy to the point I can't write-type.  
Thank-you to all the reviews last chapter and I look forward to see you all next chapter...(That sounds a bit creepy.)

Can you guys actually it's week god-damn 7 for me this week!? Like where oh where did the time go? It was only last holidays I actually signed up for this fanfiction business...wow.

Until next time guessers (I HAVE FOUND A NAME FOR MY READERS OMG YES HIWUFHUILQE...I'm sorry i'll calm down now...:L)  
-guess

Ohhh, before I forget...I have a few things to say.

1. This week coming up I may or may not have a chapter up because I will be a bit busy with a few things but i'll try.  
2. I have a band camp coming up in a few weeks (not exactly happy, it's a pain in the ass, but I need to go) so i won't be anywhere to be able to write this that week...i'll tell you more soon.  
...That's all I think.

(waddles away)

p.s I'm in a really happy mood for some reason...I don't understand why. :D


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